Lately it feels as though I go to bed each night feeling as though I neglected someone or something in my life.  One month into my return to work from a maternity leave and I am already struggling to keep my head above water.  While I may be partially to blame since I tend to pack on a lot of responsibilities in my life, having multiple responsibilities keeps me stimulated and challenges my mind.  Juggling a full time job, a baby, graduate studies and the day to day roles that help make up my identity, I think I may have bit off more than I could chew this time around.

You see there is too much going on in my life these days and I know I am not alone.  I am hoping that someone or many people will reach out to me after today and share those words of wisdom that helped them get through their rough attempt of trying to get everything done.

Prioritize.   That word is just not what I need to hear these days because it comes with a harsh reality that despite how hard I have been working, it isn’t enough for some.  Perhaps I worked very hard in school that day but then brought it home and was not available for my family. Who is more important? The child? The husband? The dog? The students? Self?  Sure, many of you are likely answering this for me, but try it and you will see that on any given day, a choice needs to be made and someone seems to be left behind.  Prioritizing is what I have been trying to do for the past month and has left me feeling that there must be a better solution out there.

The chatter that goes on inside my head as strive to juggle everything is incessant.  Shall I take the 30 minutes that I have and sit and blog, call my students social worker, send an email, exercise, vacuum the dust bunny who has been given a name, get started on research for my graduate studies, pet my dog, call my sister, call a friend, correct student work, take a nap, iron my shirts for work or simply brush my hair?   In the 30 minutes “free time” that I have, there is no possibility to get everything done of course.  The issue with prioritizing is that the same tasks tend to make their way to the front and nothing else gets past.  So you would have it that one month in I stare at my ashen reflection in the mirror and notice the expanded waistline.  In one month the healthy glow I had has already vanished as I have taken the back burner.  So has the dog who seeks solace from my husband, who I may start referring to as my “roomie”.   My family is important and my work is important, but so are the friendships that I have and the relationship and respect that I am able to maintain for myself.

I don’t have it figured out yet and don’t know anyone who has.  I do know that I will work towards restoring balance, one day at a time.  In the meantime, if you are on the receiving end of my neglect, please be patient and be kind.  Remember that you are important to me and not forgotten.  Just take a number and get in line…