Tag: indulging mamma

The real deal on eating gluten free

On By Diana ALeave a comment

The real deal on eating gluten freeceliac-disease-insights_1

In recent months and years I have become quite popular at social gatherings and it is not always due to how much people actually prefer my company but by the disbelief and questions involving my inability to eat gluten. Within these interactions, the males tend to retreat in disbelief and state, “You can’t F*%^i$ eat anything” and at least one female sizes me up and down and categorizes me as slim or not.  Based on their perception they they then approach and probe with questions like, “So how did you feel when you would eat gluten?” and “How much weight did you lose?” soon comes after.

With gluten free being the hottest label that merchants can put on their items, many people truly do not understand the genuine challenges that a person with this issue may face and by genuine, I am not referring to your new found promise to your trainer to avoid carbohydrates or your color coded containers that allow you a morsel or two of gluten based foods but the real fine print that comes with such as diagnosis.  Don’t get me wrong, it has been life changing and has awarded me some benefits especially to my health but it has not always been easy.

So here goes. Here are ten real issues that a person having to avoid gluten has to face: 

1. NO cheats allowed

 We cannot cheat EVER…in fact even cheating just once can have severe repercussions on our bodies that range from individual to individual and can take out bodies anywhere from 48 hours to weeks to completely eliminate from our system.

I will never forget an acquaintance that told me that she couldn’t eat gluten because she had a gluten sensitivity and it nearly cost her an operation to repair the damage in her intestines.  Fast forward a few months later at an event I watched in dismay as she shoveled Italian homemade pizza in her mouth bite after bite. She justified it by saying that “lately she was feeling fine when ingesting it”.  People that truly have a celiac or gluten intolerane problem are not ever able to go back to ingesting gluten. EVER. Period.

2. What weight loss?

Although it is true that your body may shed some weight when initially cutting out gluten, like anything our bodies also are made from an evolutionary perspective to constantly adjust and adapt.  If it were that easy for us to lose weight, no one would be carrying around excess weight. We would all be mean lean machines.  Those that do not have a gluten issue may lose weight initially but then when you reintroduce the items, you will likely gain it back, the same way most people regain their muffin tops every holiday season.

Those of us that actually do have to stay off gluten for life, well in our case, losing any weight sometimes can be even more difficult as we have made so many cuts and adjustments that our body may go into starvation mode and store calories.  I would win a contest on being the most clean and healthiest eater from all of my entourage.  I cook fresh healthy clean meals and have done so for years.  So when friends suddenly lose weight because they decided to eat healthy, this can be frustrating for us “celiac folk” because many of us already do eat healthy and have not reaped the same bonus.

3. Gluten free options are not always healthy

Eating a rich diet in nutrients and unprocessed foods is healthy, but you must caution with gluten free items.  The flours used to make gluten free items may contain more starch and sugar than regular gluten filled items or empty calories.   May I add that potatoe starch is not good for your waistline period whether they are in your gluten free items or not.  Do not assume that gluten free items are better.  Sometimes they are but sometimes they are not.  

4. Eliminates choice

Here is a picture of my garden.

garden What may not be obvious in this picture is that it is November 12th.  I have been grazing with the salad in my garden like a cow since May and quite frankly do not need to eat another salad.  I love salad but when I go to a restaurant and a friend excitedly tells you that you can eat a salad that is real lame.  If it is so appealing why are you not ordering it yourself? The whole point of going to a restaurant is the element of choice and when you remove that it may remove the pleasure of going out to begin with. With time, we are seeing many more choices being offered by restaurants; however, there is still much more improvement to be made.

5. Cross contamination is a real deal

It makes my life ten times more difficult and thanks to many of you and your internet fad diets people are just not getting the danger of cross contamination.  Those of you following fad diets will NOT get sick or be endangered if their chicken was grilled on the same grill as the garlic bread you eat and lick your fingers with but we will.  Cross contamination does not only mean not making items touch but also ensuring that there is no contact at all. A person with celiac disease cannot consume more than 5 micro-units of gluten.  Look up what a micro-unit of gluten means and you will see that it is the equivalent to one microscopic crumb.  That’s all it takes to get me sick and having experienced this it is not walk in the park.  

6. It’s not your place to decide how bad the symptoms are.  

Many people will ask “What’s the worst that will happen?” and look at you wide eyed expecting you to say something along the lines of “I will implode” The truth is some people may have different symptoms, each time, depending on how much or little they have ingested, how many times they have been sick, and so on.  Many of you will listen to our symptoms and judge them to be “not so bad” but the thing is,  it’s not your disease to live with so it’s not up to you to decide how bad the symptoms may or may not be. The real deal is that gluten will eat away at our intestines and put us at risk for other medical issues including cancer.  How’s that for bad?

7. Not everything is replaceable

I appreciate how much my family and friends mean well and want to bake you some treats or feed you things they believe may be gluten free but some things just do not taste as good.  After three years there are some things I have had that are OUTSTANDING and better than the gluten versions (stay tuned for my go to places in an upcoming blog) and others that are not at all the same.  A good Montreal bagel is just not replaceable. While it may be so kind of you to think of us and buy us some gluten free cookies that you found on a shelf, they may really taste terrible so if you want to help, you are better off asking us for advice or brace yourself for witnessing a good case of the gags.

8. Gluten is in EVERYTHING

When avoiding gluten it is not just about not eating breads, cookies or pasta based foods. When I say it is in everything, let me tell you it is actually hidden in many foods that it should not be in.  Many restaurants use flour or other gluten items to thicken their sauces, or add some texture to their foods.  Coming from an Italian heritage where my parents always taught me to cook from fresh local ingredients and to make everything from scratch, I find it appaling that anyone would tamper with basic fresh ingredients, but many people and places do.  Gluten can be present in spreads, shelled nuts packages, salad dressings, soy sauce and more.  Living with celiac disease means we must constantly be reading every single food label or ask a ton of questions to ensure that it does not have any gluten or that it has not been processed in a facility where cross contamination can occur.  

9. Celiac disease  can lead to other dietary or autoimmune issues

Being diagnosed with celiac disease should come with a welcome booklet.  Welcome to a family of autoimmune disorders or many other ailments and vulnerabilities that your body will encounter.  The doctors warned me that celiac disease and other autoimmune issues may arise within months or a few years.  As predicted, a few years later, I am now suffering from skin inflammation, chronic hives and a slew of possible food or other allergies that no one seems to be able to pinpoint their root causes.  So excuse me for being cynical, but I have no patience for people and their fad diets when I can’t even eat a tomatoe because it will produce a high level of histamine in my body.

10. A pricey lifestyle

I find it wonderful that many people I know make enough of an income to be able to enjoy entertainment such as eating out yet this is not my reality.  I spend probably the equivalent of a mortgage to ensuring that I get to eat gluten free items that are safe.  While you can eat your Planters Peanuts at $1.99 a package, a 200 gram package of pistachios that are certified gluten free will cost me $16.99.  I most likely am being ripped off but the alternative which is getting sick is not any more appealing so I will let my wallet take the hit to do my best to stay healthy.  Care to indulge in some morning toast? That will cost you $8.00 a loaf my friend.

So the next time that you want to forsake your morning toast because your Instagram group would not approve or you offer your gluten free friend a salad while you chomp away at the greasiest meal on the menu, be a gem and understand that while being gluten free may have its health benefits for the person that has to endure it, it does have a heavy price to pay personally, socially, medically and financially.  

Thanks for your understanding and eat a cannoli while you can.  Life can bring an onset of unwanted or unexpected ailments and you never know when simple pleasures will be taken away from you.

 

 

Are you really connected?

On By Diana ALeave a comment

worditout

Before you continue reading this post, rest assured I am not insulting anyone per se but merely commenting on my observations. I am also making a conscious effort to be more mindful of my actions and how I am contributing to my relationships.

I know who is drinking wine tonight based on their Facebook post and I am aware that the acquaintance I bumped into lost 50 pounds exercising and drinking a trendy Shake. I know that a friend of a friend had a lousy day at work and someone else is planning a summer vacation. As for me, most people know I have been completely absorbed in my graduate studies and frustrated with my overbooked schedule. We know so much yet so little about what and who really matter.  It seems as though we have become absorbed in following each others lives and activities yet the people we should be most connected to we are completely disconnected from. While we sit and scroll and swipe and tap, the people that we are sitting beside are left neglected. Minutes in a day become hours in a week and by the end of the year, we will have spent a lot of unnecessary hours “connected” without making any positive gains to our relationships.

I’m not against technology, on the contrary, I use it myself and even try to incorporate it into my teaching, however, I have been very mindful lately on the frequency and purpose of my internet surfing. In my particular situation, I have enough on my plate these days that I simply do not have the time to indulge in hours of internet roaming. Some issues to reflect upon are the content of our web use, the frequency of use and that it has replaced a simple but essential part of humanity: socialization. By socialization, I am referring to that human contact and face to face interaction.  Facebook is a great method to send quick messages and keep in touch with family and friends that you may otherwise not have many opportunities to see, but it also seems to have replaced the joy of having a conversation together, in person.  How many of us know how our friends and families are doing? Is there something you or someone you know is struggling with? Does your friend just need some girl time or a quick chat to lift her spirits? Do they need some encouragement as they develop a new hobby, or embark on a different job responsibility?  Most likely we don’t know enough… How many of you lie beside your significant others at night, each of you on a device scrolling at other people’s lives instead of using that time to connect intimately.

If that isn’t enough, what messages are we sending out to our youth? In time, if we are not careful we may indirectly send the message that the text messages they send and receive are more meaningful than the actual conversations that they should be having with. Also, we are noticing more than ever that children and individuals as a whole lack in empathetic skills. How can we teach empathy and important skills to future generations if they are unable to differentiate between different expressions and intonations within a conversation? After years of teaching children and growing up with a large family of children and youth, I can say that within my experiences, children are growing up brilliant in some ways but also lacking in straightforward and basic socialization skills. Eye contact, simple people skills, sustaining attention. Phone etiquette. There is an entire slew of skills and etiquette that we have yet to acquire when conversing with others. The world of technology is moving at a much more rapid pace than our ability to handle it or keep up with the rules of etiquette for each.

Another downfall to our overuse of devices is the lack of commitment that has emerged. People have become downright sneaky and unwilling to commit as there is so much choice available. It used to be that you would invite a friend out for a gathering, and your friend would take a decision immediately face to face or via phone. They would commit or on occasion your friend would tell you they would get back to you and sure enough, they would in a few hours or days. This has been quickly replaced by a texting question usually followed by no response or a very vague response of getting back to you, which has made me wonder if people are just holding out to see what their choices and options are. After all, maybe something better will come along. if you are single and trying to go on a date, maybe you will reconsider your Thursday night date thanks to an app that will easily tell you that the other individual you have been eyeballing in the area is now available and exactly 1.6 km away from your current destination!

Yet while we are waiting for something better to come along, we might be offending someone who really had good intentions and wanted to reach out. We may have then missed out on a great opportunity to help someone out in a time of need or just doing what we need to get those endorphins going, the happy chemicals that get released when we are with others. Everyone is different but I know myself very well, and I crave human socialization very much. In times of desperation, I won’t be picky and will even accept voice conversations if I cannot see a person.  Despite my real “face-time” preference, it seems these days that I have more “conversations” via texting with what I considered acquaintances and not so close friends than the people who I thought were so close to me. It gives the illusion that we are cared for and loved for by so many, but when you step back and take a closer look, many of us feel alone.

All these false connections allow many people to hide and be less direct and so passivity thrives. It is so much easier to turn a person down by text, rather than to say it out loud. I’ve encountered some awkward situations where people will send me a text hours after I see them saying “forget to tell you…..” How convenient that you forgot. At which point of looking in my eyes for the past few hours did you really forget to tell me that? It’s really become too easy. We no longer have to deal with the burden of hearing the disappointment in someone’s voice or seeing the smile fade from their face. With time, will we even recognize what those things mean?

It also makes it difficult to actually disengage from some of our work related responsibilities, which over time is not a healthy option. You can send an email, or even text at all hours of the night and it is expected to get a response immediately regardless of what you are doing. If you don’t someone else will, which will only make you appear less devoted to your job than others. On some days, you may wish not to have to answer another question or email, but the person on the other end is waiting and expecting you to answer because that’s just what everyone does now. While this may not wreak havoc on your life from time to time, overall it begins to infringe on your downtime significantly. The silent boundaries that once took place begin to vanish. In past years, you would cringe even considering calling your boss on a Friday night or Sunday morning, yet many of us have no qualms about sending out that text or that email at the same time. It is important to be conscious of our actions as Friday nights may begin to look like Monday mornings and we may lose touch with reality. Every time we interrupt a real face to face conversation with someone we are with to answer to someone else electronically we are disconnecting further and further.

The use of technology is brilliant and we appreciate what we can do with it but it should never replace the people we already have and the relationships that need to be nurtured. Remember that every time you “connect” you may actually be  disconnecting and plunging further towards superficial relationships.

So I will be mindful of my tech time and encourage many of you to continue using your devices, but try to make time in your life for real social opportunities to take place. Sit beside the people in your family and have a conversation, go on a date or call someone you care about. I know I just did, and it felt great!

Out of balance

On By Diana A1 Comment

Lately it feels as though I go to bed each night feeling as though I neglected someone or something in my life.  One month into my return to work from a maternity leave and I am already struggling to keep my head above water.  While I may be partially to blame since I tend to pack on a lot of responsibilities in my life, having multiple responsibilities keeps me stimulated and challenges my mind.  Juggling a full time job, a baby, graduate studies and the day to day roles that help make up my identity, I think I may have bit off more than I could chew this time around.

You see there is too much going on in my life these days and I know I am not alone.  I am hoping that someone or many people will reach out to me after today and share those words of wisdom that helped them get through their rough attempt of trying to get everything done.

Prioritize.   That word is just not what I need to hear these days because it comes with a harsh reality that despite how hard I have been working, it isn’t enough for some.  Perhaps I worked very hard in school that day but then brought it home and was not available for my family. Who is more important? The child? The husband? The dog? The students? Self?  Sure, many of you are likely answering this for me, but try it and you will see that on any given day, a choice needs to be made and someone seems to be left behind.  Prioritizing is what I have been trying to do for the past month and has left me feeling that there must be a better solution out there.

multitasking-woman-e1430786746780

The chatter that goes on inside my head as strive to juggle everything is incessant.  Shall I take the 30 minutes that I have and sit and blog, call my students social worker, send an email, exercise, vacuum the dust bunny who has been given a name, get started on research for my graduate studies, pet my dog, call my sister, call a friend, correct student work, take a nap, iron my shirts for work or simply brush my hair?   In the 30 minutes “free time” that I have, there is no possibility to get everything done of course.  The issue with prioritizing is that the same tasks tend to make their way to the front and nothing else gets past.  So you would have it that one month in I stare at my ashen reflection in the mirror and notice the expanded waistline.  In one month the healthy glow I had has already vanished as I have taken the back burner.  So has the dog who seeks solace from my husband, who I may start referring to as my “roomie”.   My family is important and my work is important, but so are the friendships that I have and the relationship and respect that I am able to maintain for myself.

I don’t have it figured out yet and don’t know anyone who has.  I do know that I will work towards restoring balance, one day at a time.  In the meantime, if you are on the receiving end of my neglect, please be patient and be kind.  Remember that you are important to me and not forgotten.  Just take a number and get in line…

unbalanced_custom_text_13854

 

In darkness there is also light…

On By Diana ALeave a comment

September 11th is a time for many to mourn but it is also a time of hope and beauty for people like me.  I am a very empathetic person and please understand that I am fully aware that the tragedy that occurred on September 11th was unjust and has touched many families and friends in ways that I do not EVER want to experience, but there are many tragedies and unwarranted things that occur every day on this Earth that we don’t pay attention to at all or for very long.  Although Canada and the United States are close allies, September 11th may not be a sad day for all, and in my case, it is not a sad day for me.

I was induced at nearly 42 weeks gestation on the early morning of the 10th of September ,yet my daughter held out until September 11th.  The birth of my daughter is a reminder of the miracle of life and how precious it is.  Many people often react negatively to my daughter’s birth date, as though she should have been born any other day, but NOT on September 11th.  What we must remember is that there is no perfect day for a baby to be born.   Every day is a perfect day for the miracle of life.

This past year I have wished many things for my daughter and there are many more to come.  One such wish that I will have each year is for my daughter to celebrate her birthday with her family and friends; for every year that she gets to do this is a sign of life and that she is healthy and alive.  I wish for everyone, that their joyous celebrations, whichever day they may fall on, not be tainted by the crueler parts of our humanity.

Although today may be a day of mourning for some , it can also serve as a reminder to honour the people that died by living our lives to the best that we can.  Take a moment to tell someone how much you care, or genuinely appreciate your surroundings and what you have.

Today, I will hug my daughter, tell her how much I love her and celebrate her life.

spring.isabella 259

Back to School…

On By Diana ALeave a comment

Tomorrow is back to school for me as a teacher and my mind is in overdrive.  I can’t seem to squander away the tension I am feeling as I consider all the things that I have to do in such short time, the anxiety of meeting a new batch of students and the lingering fear as my profession seems to be heading into a catastrophic time.  For this evening though, I am going to try to set aside the government’s preposterous proposals and address some other deep rooted issues that are concerning.

It’s not uncommon for me these days to be at a social gathering and hear other adults passing remarks about their child’s teacher and how they think the work should have been done.  It’s also not uncommon for me these days, to overhear statements that revolve around the theme of telling the teacher off, countering the teacher’s decisions and my favourite statement beginning with “If I was the teacher, I would…”.  For the sake of maintaining friendships and not appearing overly dramatic, I have learned to bite my tongue many times, but it is getting more and more difficult as these statements become more and more frequent.

It seems as though everyone down to the family pet seems to know how to do our jobs better than we do, yet if you ask most people what we do in a given day, they genuinely have no clue and think we do nothing but babysit.  I’m not here to criticize parents, but rather to shed some light to everyone.  As a teacher and a parent here are some things I think you should be aware of as your children head back to school:

A disrespected and unvalued profession

I’m not sure how or why it came to be that teachers became disrespected and in all honesty, I don’t think any reason is a good reason, nor does it really matter.  What matters is that we make an effort to try to change this for future generations.

Meaning no disrespect at all to those I care about, I have to say that some of my closest friends and family members still don’t understand what I do and I am partially to blame for that.  I got tired of explaining and just don’t bother anymore and so my conversations about work are very limited and infrequent.  I chose to talk about the things that I have common ground with them instead to alleviate any headaches and broken friendships.

I can likely compile a book on all the rude statements I have heard over time.  Any of the following are just examples of course:  “Ah come on, you’re a teacher, you have all summer off” “So like what do you do with the kids?” “She teaches grade (blank). It must be easy to teach the younger ones”, “At least you don’t have to go back to work into a managerial position” and more.

Interestingly, if we were to make statements of other professions, we likely wouldn’t make it through a social gathering without getting our teeth knocked out in a brawl.  Many of the same people like to put themselves on pedestals and not realize that condescending statements that are made of teachers, as harmless as they may seem in the moment, accumulate and create a culture of disrespect and lend the message to society that the teaching profession is not valuable.

The job takes longer than we are clocked in for

The hours we get paid are simply not enough to actually perform and complete the task. Not even close to it.  Contrary to what many will believe, we truly do not have 9 to 5 type hours, in the sense that we do not clock in and out.  Many of us may appear to scramble out the door but there is a lot that is not visible to the eye that we do.  Perhaps we may leave at the bell but work from home, or some prefer to stay much later and work until dinner and then head home.  All those extra hours regardless of where they take place are unaccounted for, not paid, no compensation time, no bonus, nada.  As much as I would like more, I know I will never get it, therefore, I am simply asking that you understand and realize that many of you if you were to do the same within your employment, you would be compensated with some extra time, extra pay, a bonus or so, or at minimum, some form of recognition.  This is not our reality and likely never will be. The teachers that cannot afford to put in the extra time sometimes suffer in the classroom trying to manage and keep up with the day to day responsibilities that they incur.

There is no script

Many of you believe that we walk in to a script.  There is no script. There are curriculum guidelines set on us that differ provincially and regionally and we build a curriculum based on those guidelines with minimal resources.  Which brings me to the next point…

Bureaucracy

We should have resources but we don’t have enough.  We are not given freedom to decide what to do with education funds.  The government distributes the funds as they believe fit to school boards who then distribute it how they see it fit and so it continues to the very bottom of the food chain where we are.  It may not matter that one school may need more than another or that Johnny’s illness is much more severe than Samantha’s.  So please the next time you would like to comment on the way we do things, please don’t, because it’s not your expertise, but ours and we have a unbelievable amount of bureaucracy to tolerate.

“That teacher doesn’t know what they are doing”

Many of you actually believe this statement.  Many of you actually believe you could do the job better, or believe that we should listen to your set of guidelines and expectations as to how the job should be completed.  I find this quite bold of society.  After all, do you walk around saying you can perform an open heart surgery to a doctor? I think not, yet it seems to be normative behaviour to patronize a teacher.  Many teachers do not come around to your offices and tell you how you should be doing your jobs, therefore it would be appreciated if you would not do the same with us.  A simple comment such as, “I’m not sure what to do, what can you suggest” will go a very long way in demonstrating to your child’s teacher that you acknowledge that they have the knowledge and you appreciate, value and respect their expertise.

Character versus competence

You might not like hearing this but in any profession there are different kinds of people and characters. That means, that like in every other profession there are some teachers that are just not very competent, or perhaps they are very good at what they do but are not the most socially likeable person.  Perhaps, your child’s teacher has excellent skills at teaching Math and classroom management but is a total bitch.  There are many traits that are common amongst individuals who teach, but there is still character and individuality.  This also applies to the students.  As a teacher it is our responsibility to find a way to teach a child despite their limitations and or character.  Yes, character.  We seem to forget that children, although young, are developing their characters and as human beings, some personalities clash with others.  I have not loved every student that I have encountered.  Some personalities are harder to deal with, so when I encounter that I make it a point to try to not judge that student or dislike that student, but just see it as a personality clash.  This is socialization.  Do you get along with everyone in your workplace? No, so in a given classroom, it will be possible that one student may clash with the personality of the teacher.  All different personalities are important as they teach adults and youth combined the important skills about socialization and how to get along with others.  That being said, understand that the teacher you dislike may have some valuable lesson that they will extend to your child and vice versa.

Age has nothing to do with it, so please be more respectful towards older teachers

There seems to be misconceptions among society that the older teachers are burnt out, tired, boring and should head for the hills.  After working with many teachers, I can tell you I have encountered so many older teachers that have been inspiring and whom have provided a wealth of knowledge and I have also encountered my fair share of newly graduates that have left me wondering in awe how and why they were given their degree.  Age has nothing to do with it. Bottom line, it comes down to the individual teacher.  Many are constantly in professional development programs and soaking up as much knowledge as they can while others act like they know it all.  The twenty five year old that acts as though she knows it all will still behave that way at 50 years old.  Their attitude might stink and it has nothing to do with their age.  I believe we can all learn from each other and have something to contribute to the workplace.

Stop chastising us for having the summer off

Enough already! It really is not our say as to schools being closed during summer, however we really would wish for you to stop tormenting us about it. This is time that we have already worked for and are given and believe me when I say that if you really understood and experienced what we do in a given day, you wouldn’t even question this downtime.  But I’d happily work through the summer, if it meant getting paid twenty thousand or more in a year, because when you actually break down what we do, we are working far below minimum wage.  You do not understand our pay, nor would you want to have it.  Many of you in your fields would never tolerate being told in an interview that you would get paid 10 dollars an hour, but only get to take 7 right away which would be taxed and then the other 3 you would collect during the summer and get taxed again.  We understand it is an inconvenience to your work schedules to have to look for sitters and day camps, but we do not take the decision so please let it go.  This is the only “perk” that we have. Even with our “government” jobs, we still make less and have less than you.  My retirement plan may sound fantastic to you but chances are you’ve already accumulated more in RESP and investments than I have.  Many of you in the corporate world have extra incentives like investment matching that we are not even given a choice.  I would be so happy to put away a few thousand dollars a year, knowing that my company would be willing to match that amount for me.  As for insurance plan, it is basic and simple and for many does not even include dental, so please remember that the next time you get cozy for your monthly massage.

Let’s work together

Take a step back and you will realize that we actually want the same thing.  We want your child to succeed as much as you do, if not more, as it makes us feel proud, accomplished and successful.  As teachers we do not get any bonuses, as I have mentioned, therefore your child’s success becomes the SINGLE method of accomplishment that we can have.  When a teacher has students that are not doing well, it affects them personally even when we are told we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves.  None of us are happy when the students are not performing well.

The teacher and parent really do have an important relationship.  We are responsible for your children for a great bulk of the day, but you are still the parents.  That means that when you get home from work, you still have to carry on in the day to day grind of talking to your child, helping your child and disciplining your child.  Remember, you have the one on one ratio, we do not ,so if there is an area where the students are lacking you may need to step in and contribute towards the students success. Your child will reach the best results and never fail when we work together.  If nothing else, at least be cautious of how you speak of your child’s teacher.  The disrespect you show to your child’s teacher will be mimicked by your child and brought into the classroom and only perpetuate this problem further.  When the students do poorly, we are quick to point the finger at the teacher but when the student does well we quickly assume it’s all the parents hard work.

In the short term, we hope you will rally with us and understand that the challenge we will face against the government propositions, are really for the benefit of our future society, your daughter, your son.

Years from now should you be lucky to witness your child graduating and take a step towards their own personal careers, whether that be a university degree, collegial level or from a trade, I hope that you can find it in yourself to silently not only thank your child for their perseverance and hard work , along with your own patience, guidance, financial assistance or however you may have supported your child, I hope you can also take the time to thank the many teachers that contributed to that successful path.

by Diana Antonacci

teach

A real sense of community

On By Diana ALeave a comment

Tomorrow is my first day back at work from my maternity leave and I thought about all the people who have contributed to my life over the past year.  I was very fortunate throughout my pregnancy to be blessed with so many family and friends that wanted to help out or simply were there to share in the excitement.  I was also blessed with amazing neighbours who were always looking out for me and offering their help.  Whether it was food, a phone call or a gift for my daughter, it seemed as though there was always someone there to lend a helping hand or to just acknowledge this part of my life.  I was surrounded by a beautiful network of women who had experienced the ups and downs of parenting.  Sometimes, help and kindness came from the most unexpected of places and other times the people I thought would be the most supportive were just not.  Some of those people seemed to bolt like lightening the minute that baby came around or spoke empty promises.  But this is not the time or the venue to focus on that, but simply my time to say thank you for those that were there for me.  I may have had little words to express my gratitude in the moment but know that I sincerely admire and appreciate the community of mothers and fathers that reached out to me. I wish to impart with you to think of this the next time you know someone who is having a baby.  How can you reach out to them and make them feel supported?  Perhaps, it may be with a simple sign of affection, a phone call to check on the person’s emotional state, or an offering.  Whatever you may decide on, know that there is someone out there that will recognize your positive sense of community.

women_holding_hands

Photo credit given to: http://wildgoddesslife.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/women_holding_hands.jpg

Terra Sarda

On By Diana ALeave a comment

Villasimius.  A hidden gem. A small town I had never heard of and literally stumbled upon in my research.  Forums on trip advisor acclaimed it to have breathtaking Caribbean like beaches.  Unspoiled beaches.  It had been a three year quest to find my way to that large island bordering the Tyrrhenian Sea, south of Corsica and west of continental Italy.  I had heard so much of Sardegna and of the celebrities that explored the northern part of the island and the tiny southern tip of Villasimius promised to not disappoint. Upon arriving, my surroundings left me quietly wondering if I had made a mistake in choosing this destination to start my vacation in Europe.  Everything around us was so raw.  The vegetation was dry and not as vivid in color as many other places that I had seen.  I was told to walk down the dirt path and that I would end up on the beach.  My husband and I had little words that morning as we both nervously wondered what this beach would look like.  Judging by our walk, I was not anticipating anything as beautiful as I read.  There seemed to be more and more shrubbery and dry vegetation with each footstep.  The one kilometer walk that early morning seemed to go on forever. 20130713_090739

And there it finally was.  I felt the tension release from my eyebrows and the corners of my lips twitched up slowly forming a smile.  Few words made it out of my mouth.  I had none. There were no words that could possibly describe what was before me.  Fine sand the color of white porcelain that glimmered in the sun like tiny crystals.  A calm turquoise body of water that looked very much to be photo shopped but was real.  Stepping in the water, you could walk for a long time and the water remained shallow and clear as tap water.  The water was warm with an occasional cold current that tickled your skin.  Some mountains trimmed the coastline.

20130714_134931 20130715_105603 20130715_105728 20130717_121518

I had found my paradise and imagined immediately enjoying even with children in the future.  Villasimius.  I am not able to give justice to its beauty. Beyond its beauty there was also a story each day that unfolded on the main road of Via Umberto.  The restaurants and diverse cuisine that Anthony Bourdain had promised to be exceptional on this island were indeed so.  There were interesting hints of other cultures in the Sardinian cuisine and mouth watering food that seemed to smother many other dishes I had in Italy in a heartbeat.  A nightlife that made you feel alive.  A perfect beachtown.  Sardegna is an island with almost 2000 km of coastline and hidden coves to explore and I dream to explore all of it.  I leave with you nothing more, no other words other than a strong recommendation to allow your senses to be tantalized and indulged by this glorious island. I shall return one day to la terra Sarda…

20130717_18213316620130715_11472520130717_17035920130717_21404920130715_11035320130716_104242

Enjoy your maternity leave

On By Diana ALeave a comment

While I was pregnant, I was given a lot of advice, tips and supporting words.  Some messages resonated more than others and one thing that stood out was how often I was told to enjoy my maternity leave.  For those who are about to embark on the parenting journey, I would like to propose that you view this from a different angle.  It’s not only about the year that you have to bond with your child and care for your child, even if on some days you feel that your skill level and mental abilities have been reduced to tracking diaper changes or taking data on sleep patterns.  It’s also not only about the fact that time does certainly pass quite quickly and your child will grow up before your eyes.

During my own journey, I saw this statement in a whole new light.  Pre-baby, I hated when people used to tell me to enjoy my maternity leave.  I was so immersed in my job that I had a lot of difficulty when I was removed for a preventative leave.  I often wished to be back at work, wondered about my students well being or my colleagues sanity.  What was supposed to be a joyous moment in my life was often darkened by the fact that I just did not know what to do with myself.  I had put in so much into my teaching career that I had no external hobbies or responsibilities and felt a little lost when I couldn’t be there.  Actually, I’m totally lying, I felt like I was spiraling out of control.  I had no control over what was going on in my classroom and this notion alone was such an alarming feeling.  Whenever I could, I even snuck around and tried to help some of those students in other ways.  I hadn’t even had the baby yet and I was already planning my return to work.  Until, my daughter was born. In an instant, life as I knew it completely changed and my perspectives shifted.

Here is what I realized. The only time in your life that you will ever be away from work for a positive reason is your maternity leave.  This is ONE year in your life where you are away and gifted with a different responsibility and a very short time for you to learn about your child and also to learn about yourself.   In many parts of the world, they have even less time, in some places as little as 8 weeks. 8 weeks!!! Can you imagine? We really are fortunate to have a year.  One year.  After that year, should you be fortunate enough, you will work EVERY day, five days a week, less or more until your age of retirement (which may I add is increasing).

Think about it this for a moment.  Let it sink in.  Who do you know that does not work?  Pardon for being so abrupt, but they are likely ill, they are dying or perhaps they are retired. Those that are retired may be in optimal health traveling their five star cruises.  But many are probably feeling lost at home trying to reinvent themselves, since they too have associated themselves with their careers for so long that they no longer know how to face life without that.  Aside from the retired population then, if you are not working, this is likely because you are ill or dying which I need not say more about since this would be devastating to you and your loved ones.  We all like to envision that those who do not work are the exceptionally wealthy and privileged but this is a very miniscule part of our population.  Last time I checked we did not all win the lottery and drop our jobs to sail around the world.  ONE year. If you have more than once child then perhaps you are at two or three years in your lifetime.

So next time someone says, enjoy your mat leave, try not to roll your eyes.  I hope you see past the days where you don’t feel your best or look your best, or do the things you once had time for.  You have been given an exceptionally difficult task as you become a parent.   Despite that, one year is all you have before you return to the chaos of multitasking and trying to juggle various responsibilities in the game that we call life.

As I come full circle and approach the final days of my maternity leave, I will enjoy it as those before me advised and pray that I will be in good health to raise my daughter and reach my retirement years so that I can sail away, to where the grass is greener of course…

by Diana Antonacci

maternity-leave-3

Photo image taken from: http://cdn.thegrindstone.com/files/2012/02/maternity-leave-3.png

Where the grass is greener…

On By Diana ALeave a comment

On many days if I close my eyes I can almost feel myself right back to moments in my life where I experience true bliss.  Europe. Where the grass is actually greener and the sun does shine more brightly.  At least for me it does.  The skeptics out there can be infuriating to me at times, especially when they try to convince me otherwise.  They are often quick to remind me of my fortunate life here in Canada.  I agree that being Canadian offers many privileges and I appreciate my life, my home and the fact that I have employment opportunities.   When it comes to fulfilling some of my passions and living in indulgence, it lacks significantly and receives a near failing grade.

How many of you if granted with a generous lottery win would actually insist on living here in this frigid continent with a mediocre skyline.  Most of you given the opportunity would definitely cross over down south, to Europe, Asia and to many other splendid areas that the world has to offer.  What drives you to these places? What do they have that we do not here?  Is it the climate, the beach, the food?  While we may all be content and grateful for our lives and what our country has to offer, in each of us there is a yearning desire to escape elsewhere.  Everyone has a place that they dream of either for short or long term purposes such as living, vacationing or seeing at least once.  There is a location outside our realm and day to day activities that drives us all. My pleasure is Europe.  It has so much to indulge in I do not even know where to begin.

street

20130721_113014 20130715_110329.sardegna

On days where I lack concentration or feel blue, I close my eyes and work hard to find my inner peace.  I envision and feel myself walking through those cobblestone streets with winding narrow roads that lead to famous sculptures and beautiful monuments.  I walk and turn on narrow winding roads and stop to stare at the simplicity of the clothing drying outside an apartment clothesline.  There is something about clothing drying on a clothesline in Europe that makes me smile every time.  The simplicity of what it is against the romantic architecture of the apartment.  A stark difference from the clothesline in my yard, where the squirrel tightropes and stops to taunt my dog.  On this walk, I allow myself the luxury of stopping to have a cup of coffee made to perfection by the local barrista.  The caramel colored cream that coats the liquid is evenly dusted with an occasional hint of cocoa.  What shall I do today, I may ask? Perhaps I shall go to a museum, visit a castle, or go to the sea.  Yes, the beautiful sea.  The crisp fragrance of the salty air and the gleaming shades of vivid sapphires and turquoises.  It is in Europe, where the slight warm breeze brushes my hair softly against my face as I gaze at the blue sea before me and wiggle my toes in the soft sand.  Or, perhaps, you would prefer rocky beaches.  The choice is yours as there are all types of beaches available.

166 20150706_110954

IMG_1239

In Europe, I experience a true culinary experience.  Sinful decadence.  It is more than just eating to be fed or satiated but for your taste buds to embark on a journey.  A noble wine with a ruby hue and earthy finesse which I only paid 2 Euros for, may I add.  At the gentlest pressure from my knife, I see the milk of a mozzarella run into my dish and experience the tantalizing taste of food melting in my mouth.   I indulge in the figs dripping in honey and of the deepest reddish purple hue inside.  I smell the trail of a good wood burning oven pizza nearby.  I select the fresh fish or seafood of the day, caught just hours before by the local fisherman and I taste the saltiness of the sea in each bite I take.

Later on today, perhaps for forty Euros or so, I will book a flight to a neighboring country and spend a few days there.  Or I may go by train, or perhaps I will take a mountain drive and smell the crisp Eucalyptus in the air.  You see, in Europe, the choices are plenty.

In Europe, there is something for everyone, or perhaps not for everyone but at the very least it covers all facets of my personality.  Perhaps this is why I admire it so much.  I have an appetite for the pleasures of life and Europe appeals to all my senses.  I have seen so little of Europe, yet with each visit I am always awestruck and left speechless. 20130724_173455

Just when I thought there could not be any more beauty to discover, I find more.  The rich architecture and the ancient history intertwined with the world’s most famous art and religious influences, the human intelligence, simplicity and traditionalism, the remnants of clashing battles, the decadent culinary knowledge, ancient times merging with a modern world, sophistication and an occasional aristocratic flair. I see the row of luxurious boutiques and hear the chaotic sounds of tourists nearby.  IMG_0085A vintage Vespa parked randomly on a street cornering the town’s oldest church.  Whether you be driven by religion, history, art, romance, languages or the sea, there is a town, a city, a country in Europe that will likely steal your heart, and when your eyes and senses set on this land, as an Italian quote indicates, you  will likely cry twice.  Once when you have had the privilege to arrive to this great place and once when you must leave.

As I open my eyes and lock eyes with the taunting squirrel on my clothing line, I wipe away my own little tear and dream of where the grass is actually greener and the sun shines brightly…

by Diana Antonacci

20150629_19001020150714_133214.porto

Lose your expectations

On By Diana ALeave a comment

Over the weekend, I asked a friend how she was adjusting to motherhood and she admitted that she often reflected back to something I had suggested to her a few months ago.  “You told me not to have expectations”, she declared.  Indeed, I had said just that.

The word “expect” means to wait for, imagine or demand, and frankly I do not have the time to wait for things, imagining is not really getting me anywhere and demanding is arrogance.  Instead, having “standards”, allow an idea or decision to be more concrete and part of your principles and belief system.  The problem with expectations is that they do not set in motion the actual behaviours that makes what we want occur, rather we just sit and expect and wait for them to happen and when they don’t we are disappointed.  Expectations, in my opinion, are in the same category as taking things for granted and will only lead to disappointment.

I had no expectations for my marriage.  I imagine many of you to be stunned with this statement.  It’s the truth.  I don’t expect my marriage to last a lifetime, I would like for it to and try to work hard at it because relationships take effort.  The same way you can’t expect a flower to bloom without care, you cannot expect a relationship to be positive or long lasting without care.  Some relationships are high maintenance and require a lot of nurturing and effort and others need less to thrive.  On a side note, it is worth mentioning that it’s important for you to figure out what type of maintenance level is necessary for your relationship to succeed.  I have an awesome husband.  He is truly my partner, my lover and my friend.  Despite my love for him, there are times that we butt heads (or that I really want to crack him one) but I try not to expect anything from him.   I did not expect my husband to take out the garbage or help with the duties of being a parent.  I would like for these things to occur and while for most things I don’t have to say it because he does it willingly and without having to be nudged, some of you out there may have someone that needs to be nudged and this is fine but for the sake of your relationship do not sit and wait.  VOICE what you would like and what you need.  It is so much more gratifying and empowering to be able to communicate and express what works for you and what does not. 

I already know some of you may be reading this and assuming that I prefer to “settle for less”.  This is false and anyone who knows me well enough, especially in the classroom setting as a teacher knows that I set high standards for my students and encourage them to do their best.  I don’t use labels as excuses or childhood disorders as a reason for difficulty, but rather just understand that some people will come to achieve a goal differently or by taking longer.  I do not expect my students to perform well.  I have high standards and hopes that they do and I communicate this to them directly and I try my best to help them and teach them.  Sometimes I fail and I know that if I have done poorly this may impact or hinder their success but I never just expect and neither should you. 

Countless times I have heard friends, family and acquaintances talk about their expectations and how their partners or people surrounding them have not lived up.  Quite frankly, I would not want to live up to someone’s expectations so why should I impose that on others.  If you want something you will have to set the standard and engage in the behaviours and mindset that can nourish that into a reality.  

I do not have the answer to a perfect marriage, life or parenthood.  I am still learning as I go.  I didn’t expect my baby to sleep through her nights but I was prepared with books, advice from friends and armour as I waited for those battles to commence.   I tried to learn and expend my resources on solving the problems instead of fantasizing what things should be like.  The point is that the only time I have ever struggled and felt disappointed is when I have set specific expectations in mind, and often that disappointment is not even from my own belief system, but rather not coming up to par with someone else’s mindset of how things should be like.  I learned to divulge my time setting standards, goals and working on my communication skills.  I believe that communication is the foundation in healthy relationships but it is also important to have a realistic mindset.

While you allow your mind to expect, there is no action being taken and when your expectation doesn’t happen, you not only gain disappointment, but lose out on real opportunities in your life.

Life will go on despite how you envisioned it, so liberate yourself from those expectations.   Set the bar high in your life and with time, things may just begin to align themselves differently.

expec

by Diana Antonacci