Before you continue reading this post, rest assured I am not insulting anyone per se but merely commenting on my observations. I am also making a conscious effort to be more mindful of my actions and how I am contributing to my relationships.

I know who is drinking wine tonight based on their Facebook post and I am aware that the acquaintance I bumped into lost 50 pounds exercising and drinking a trendy Shake. I know that a friend of a friend had a lousy day at work and someone else is planning a summer vacation. As for me, most people know I have been completely absorbed in my graduate studies and frustrated with my overbooked schedule. We know so much yet so little about what and who really matter.  It seems as though we have become absorbed in following each others lives and activities yet the people we should be most connected to we are completely disconnected from. While we sit and scroll and swipe and tap, the people that we are sitting beside are left neglected. Minutes in a day become hours in a week and by the end of the year, we will have spent a lot of unnecessary hours “connected” without making any positive gains to our relationships.

I’m not against technology, on the contrary, I use it myself and even try to incorporate it into my teaching, however, I have been very mindful lately on the frequency and purpose of my internet surfing. In my particular situation, I have enough on my plate these days that I simply do not have the time to indulge in hours of internet roaming. Some issues to reflect upon are the content of our web use, the frequency of use and that it has replaced a simple but essential part of humanity: socialization. By socialization, I am referring to that human contact and face to face interaction.  Facebook is a great method to send quick messages and keep in touch with family and friends that you may otherwise not have many opportunities to see, but it also seems to have replaced the joy of having a conversation together, in person.  How many of us know how our friends and families are doing? Is there something you or someone you know is struggling with? Does your friend just need some girl time or a quick chat to lift her spirits? Do they need some encouragement as they develop a new hobby, or embark on a different job responsibility?  Most likely we don’t know enough… How many of you lie beside your significant others at night, each of you on a device scrolling at other people’s lives instead of using that time to connect intimately.

If that isn’t enough, what messages are we sending out to our youth? In time, if we are not careful we may indirectly send the message that the text messages they send and receive are more meaningful than the actual conversations that they should be having with. Also, we are noticing more than ever that children and individuals as a whole lack in empathetic skills. How can we teach empathy and important skills to future generations if they are unable to differentiate between different expressions and intonations within a conversation? After years of teaching children and growing up with a large family of children and youth, I can say that within my experiences, children are growing up brilliant in some ways but also lacking in straightforward and basic socialization skills. Eye contact, simple people skills, sustaining attention. Phone etiquette. There is an entire slew of skills and etiquette that we have yet to acquire when conversing with others. The world of technology is moving at a much more rapid pace than our ability to handle it or keep up with the rules of etiquette for each.

Another downfall to our overuse of devices is the lack of commitment that has emerged. People have become downright sneaky and unwilling to commit as there is so much choice available. It used to be that you would invite a friend out for a gathering, and your friend would take a decision immediately face to face or via phone. They would commit or on occasion your friend would tell you they would get back to you and sure enough, they would in a few hours or days. This has been quickly replaced by a texting question usually followed by no response or a very vague response of getting back to you, which has made me wonder if people are just holding out to see what their choices and options are. After all, maybe something better will come along. if you are single and trying to go on a date, maybe you will reconsider your Thursday night date thanks to an app that will easily tell you that the other individual you have been eyeballing in the area is now available and exactly 1.6 km away from your current destination!

Yet while we are waiting for something better to come along, we might be offending someone who really had good intentions and wanted to reach out. We may have then missed out on a great opportunity to help someone out in a time of need or just doing what we need to get those endorphins going, the happy chemicals that get released when we are with others. Everyone is different but I know myself very well, and I crave human socialization very much. In times of desperation, I won’t be picky and will even accept voice conversations if I cannot see a person.  Despite my real “face-time” preference, it seems these days that I have more “conversations” via texting with what I considered acquaintances and not so close friends than the people who I thought were so close to me. It gives the illusion that we are cared for and loved for by so many, but when you step back and take a closer look, many of us feel alone.

All these false connections allow many people to hide and be less direct and so passivity thrives. It is so much easier to turn a person down by text, rather than to say it out loud. I’ve encountered some awkward situations where people will send me a text hours after I see them saying “forget to tell you…..” How convenient that you forgot. At which point of looking in my eyes for the past few hours did you really forget to tell me that? It’s really become too easy. We no longer have to deal with the burden of hearing the disappointment in someone’s voice or seeing the smile fade from their face. With time, will we even recognize what those things mean?

It also makes it difficult to actually disengage from some of our work related responsibilities, which over time is not a healthy option. You can send an email, or even text at all hours of the night and it is expected to get a response immediately regardless of what you are doing. If you don’t someone else will, which will only make you appear less devoted to your job than others. On some days, you may wish not to have to answer another question or email, but the person on the other end is waiting and expecting you to answer because that’s just what everyone does now. While this may not wreak havoc on your life from time to time, overall it begins to infringe on your downtime significantly. The silent boundaries that once took place begin to vanish. In past years, you would cringe even considering calling your boss on a Friday night or Sunday morning, yet many of us have no qualms about sending out that text or that email at the same time. It is important to be conscious of our actions as Friday nights may begin to look like Monday mornings and we may lose touch with reality. Every time we interrupt a real face to face conversation with someone we are with to answer to someone else electronically we are disconnecting further and further.

The use of technology is brilliant and we appreciate what we can do with it but it should never replace the people we already have and the relationships that need to be nurtured. Remember that every time you “connect” you may actually be  disconnecting and plunging further towards superficial relationships.

So I will be mindful of my tech time and encourage many of you to continue using your devices, but try to make time in your life for real social opportunities to take place. Sit beside the people in your family and have a conversation, go on a date or call someone you care about. I know I just did, and it felt great!