Tag: #bodybuilding #bodybuildingwomen #competition #bootyandbiscotti

Booty & Biscotti 19: Even healthy can be unhealthy

On By Diana ALeave a comment

Even “healthy” can be unhealthy…
I’m not in the fitness industry and not trying to pretend to be so I’m not preaching. So what’s the reason for this post? Well if you’re like me you’re pretty much tired of hearing the influx of diet trends out there, promises, fixes etc and this quarantine has brought out every gimmick known to man. Here’s another elastic band workout to do while your bread loaf is fermenting…

I pay @teamludachris (thank god for them) to help me out with my fitness and nutrition but I can tell you that I can teach a thing or two based on my own experiences and issues. I have followed many “diets” and made lifestyle choices and my body has morphed in ways I like but many times in the opposite direction or things have gone wonky.  I have a million food intolerances and am very sensitive to stress and even water intake so here are some points I can share:
1. Diets do work… but temporarily. You will lose weight likely from each and every one of them but sustaining that is the real challenge. There’s a reason why there are so many diets out there. They all work but only for some time for many reasons of course. Some diets are too hard and make no sense to follow long term, some are healthy and some are are actually not very healthy (e.g. calorie deficits for too long or deprivation of “healthy” foods etc…) Be mindful of this and the repercussions it may have on your body.
2. Our bodies adapt. We build tolerance and resistance and our bodies get smarter. I have ran for the past 100 days rain, snow, sun, rainbows and all. Haven’t dropped a pound. I don’t even sweat. Why? Lots of things (e.g. stress) but one of them is that I’m used to it. In order for me to pull a sweat at this point I need to find another means of cardio, run in intervals, be chased by a bear for an hour, etc…I perspire more trying to blowdry my frizzy hair. This same time last year, if I ran this much I would have melted down to nothing.
I have also intensely trained my glutes (almost daily last year) They are the largest muscle and can handle a lot of load and frequency. The elastic bands have helped me isolate muscle fibers. They have not helped me build or maintain muscle.  Bottom line for the past 4 months, elastic bands did not save my life…Point here is that at different points in time our bodies will and can do different things; however, if you get your body used to burning x calories a day on x amount of food, you might need to restrict more or do more to get the same results or better and that’s NOT a good thing but the early onset of potential metabolic disaster (e.g. I should be the portrait for that)
3. The diet trend you swear by may literally kill me. Ninety percent of the food in the dishes I posted are items I am intolerant too. The majority of fruits and vegetables considered  healthy give me a many different reactions. My abdomen will swell, my hands will swell to the extent that they burst and bleed and I will get patches of burning itchy hives for days. That doesn’t include the other fun stuff that happens in the digestive system.
These reactions are not unique to veggies either.  Want to feed me fats? Don’t even go there! Same thing even worse. Avocados nearly killed me last year and 15 grams of peanut butter a day created absolute havoc in my intestines, so I will not embark on a keto diet ever which brings me to the next point.  Stop feeding into trends and follow what makes sense for you.  Many people eat things because they “heard” of the health benefits but don’t actually understand them.  Monk fruit sugar huh? I’m not against it but my heartbeat mysteriously went up all 3 times I baked with it and I got a headache…something weird there. It may be healthy but not healthy for you. For example, legumes and beans are healthy but they make me very ill and for months I had no idea what was wrong with me. I used to eat those instead of meat. Thanks, I’ll take the meat now!
4. Eat what makes sense and what makes your body feel healthy and GOOD. Up until last year the Canadian food guide had dairy and although we’ve known for decades it can be harmful, the point is next food guide they’ll be telling you your celery stick is the enemy.  (I can’t have dairy OR celery by the way) You’ll find studies that indicate wine is good for you but there are going to be equal amounts that say the opposite. That being said, no offense but do you even know how to read a study? The term “research shows” is quite overused and not everything you read is valid or reliable. Educate yourself based on facts but also on what works for you. Check your own foods and act accordingly. Do you understand what you are eating and why you are eating it?

5. Balance and moderation. No one’s telling you to celebrate with dessert everyday but you don’t have to behave like the “No I don’t accept sugar in my life ” biblical person at a party either. Most people don’t know this about me but I actually GAVE UP sugar for about 8 months a few years ago. Guess what? I didn’t look better back then! I think I’m more fit now.  So unless you’re abusing foods like that, do yourself a favour and have a treat in moderation. Make sure to call @biscottidiana if you do 😉

6. Rewards and Punishment. Stop rewarding yourself with food and punishing yourself with exercise.  Trust me I’m a bit embarrassed admitting it since I’m smarter than that but I’ve done the “ate a cheat meal and need to run like a gerbil for an hour” There are actual solid scientific reasons that this backfires which I won’t sit here and go into but please read up on them (metabolic damage, excessive caloric restriction, fight or flight principle with storing calories) but the number one reason being that it leads to poor relationship with food and exercise and potential eating disorders.

The next time you’re sitting around contemplating whether sweet potatoes are bad for you or not go check out my competition picture. Those potatoes made and saved my ass!

106418023_2316184465357600_3033572587981204090_n

 

 

 

Booty & Biscotti 12: The Aftermath

On By Diana A2 Comments

I tanked. The judges really didn’t like me at the competition and post competition I’m not looking so great so I tanked.  A couple of months ago I wrote about being proud to stand on stage and looking how I did after so much hard work mentally and physically and after having to overcome so many hurdles.  I meant that. I am proud because I put in the work and did so much to get there. 

But that’s the point.  In this industry you need to constantly evolve and grow a thicker skin because it’s never good enough. The way you look is never enough and you will constantly be reminded of that. I was warned by many people even within the industry that the competition look is “not sustainable”.  Granted being at 10 percent body fat and under is not the norm which is the second issue:

What is normal?  

Better yet, what is my normal? If the weight is not sustainable then how is it that some people who aren’t even training at an athletic level look more shredded than I am?  Or why have some people been able to maintain a lower body fat with their reverse diet and not me? Some of these athletes are in this permanently “jacked” state. As for me, if I told a stranger that I competed in a bikini competition just 2 months ago they would likely laugh in my face. You’d never know it and many would be quick to just place me in the “bikini girl gone fat” category and take a look at the next pretty girl walking by and I’m part of an incredible team who have given me the proper tools and knowledge post competition but I’ve crashed partly from my own indulging and partly from my body having such intense issues. You see I lacked a lot of flexibility in my diet not necessarily due to the bodybuilding but the strict diet because of my allergies.  Trying to “reintroduce” has not had a positive impact on me. I’ve never been one to sit there and eat junk and crap food so when the rest of the athletes were occasionally having their crap cheat meals, I was careful yet I still didn’t look as good and now that I had a gelato I’m paying the piper big time. Eat and no good, don’t eat still no good. Shrug shoulders here….

I spent 3 weeks in Europe where I can attest that my ass was the only one that didn’t have cellulite on it, yet despite this I felt lousy in my bikini.  I’m not whining here but being 100 percent truthful and you can ask my husband who had to hear me constantly question where my muscle went. “It’s all there”, he’d say and roll back on his lawn chair leaving me to just sit in disbelief. I didn’t dare post any photos of me in fear I’d end up reposted #bikinifail or #bikinigirlgonefat. And there you have it the old wounds resurface. That feeling of always being the bigger one when standing in a bikini just like I used to feel.  Feeling annoyed because I couldn’t pack down 2 burgers and a large fry like the girl next to me that was all boobs and lashes. 

“The Dark Side”

I put up this post for many reasons. Not because I want any comments but simply to show that the act of bodybuilding and training is wonderful and empowering ( to me anyway) and the competition appears glamorous on that day but there is a dark side and this is it. Body image distortions, obsessions, poor self image; these are all things that are part of it if you’re not careful.  I don’t care how far we think we have come in society: this is still widely predominant among “females” and social media doesn’t help at all. I know in my case, I may have to consider doing some housekeeping, as I come to realize I really don’t need to open up my feed and see 20 girls in a row in their bikinis or thongs, not to mention it makes me look like a serious pervert when opening up my Instagram in public. I’m pretty bright (I know better) so if it can have an impact on me imagine what it does to younger girls. Food for thought here.. Are we really being “inspiring?”

“Stand Strong Baby Girl”

More importantly, I look at my daughter. The messages I want to convey to her.  I always valued character and intelligence more in a person anyway (ever notice how we tend to find people unattractive when they are unkind?)

I watched my daughter stand tall and strong in her “swimgear” on vacation. She has no idea about her body image..yet… She played in the sand, ran in her suit, bent and “folded herself” in all kinds of funny positions (many of us wouldn’t dare for fear of the “unflattering” positions) But she did and she squealed with delight and it was exhilarating to watch.  And at some point, I felt sad. Because we all started off that way and then we become critical and self conscious of ourselves and stopped. I wish we could all find that acceptance and comfort with ourselves no matter what. I wish that every woman could stand proud and strong just like the little girls do.

As for me, will I compete again? Yup. I’ll pay again to have someone nit pick at me, not because I really need to but because I have new goals and ideas that I need to see through for my own personal victory. But before that, I go back to the drawing board and face the girl in the mirror once more and work on my self acceptance and tell her to “Stand Strong” and maybe to be like the young child that we all once were: laughing and running in the sand.

67791142_672063063268104_5602617930907910144_n

Booty & Biscotti 9: Meet my Coach

On By Diana ALeave a comment

56866504_615096542298836_7961843964816916480_n“Trust me”, she said.

That was what my coach said after I nearly fell out of my seat when she told me I needed to grow my ass.  I think I may have shouted out a “Oh hells no” loud enough for half the gym to hear. As far as I was concerned one of the reasons that I had signed up with her was to help me reduce what I thought was the biggest part of me so I was a bit confused with her statement.  There I stood stating all my requests as if I was making selections from a takeout menu. “I want more this and less of this”, I said pointing around to parts of my body. She was silent and had a little smirk on her face completely omitting what she probably refers to as my “crazy talk”.

I discovered Melissa through a social acquaintance on Instagram.  I was truly amazed with her physique and the way she carried it with beauty and grace. The caption posted about her really resonated with me that day too. Some blurb about people telling her she couldn’t achieve what she did. Yet she did.  My curiosity turned to fear as I thought to myself, “This is way out of my league. She’s going to laugh at me”, and I’d toss my phone to the side. Until about 5 months later.

“I’m not one that needs to be pushed. You tell me to do something I will do it”

That was my opening line during our first consultation when I finally had the nerve to meet her. I needed her to know that I don’t need to be pushed. I am dedicated and if you tell me to do 10 burpees, I’ll give you 15 without complaining and they won’t be half ass. That’s just who I am. What she also needed to know was that my tank was completely empty.  In certain areas of my life, I had given so much, even too much and yet I felt as though I was always falling short of my goals in some way or another. I constantly felt like I was a hamster on a wheel, spinning around and around and not actually going anywhere. I needed something tangible. Even more so I craved something greater than I could even yet pinpoint. I think she sensed that and understood how to guide me.  With the right combination of trust, integrity, a strong work ethic and a positive connection, Melissa has been and is a true gem.

Trust

I’m a very empathetic and intuitive individual so when I say my senses about a person are bang on I’m usually right and before even meeting my coach (a.k.a. “The Sassinator”) I knew I was on the right path. I don’t think I can find the right words to explain how difficult it can be to put your trust in someone else when it comes to your own body especially with the medical baggage I come with. So for me to trust in someone else to determine what exercise to do, what food to eat and how much of it I should be eating was a big step.  At the point where I had met her I had just spent 40 days on an elimination diet trying to pinpoint what was making me sick. I was eating healthy but not the right amounts, combinations and some of the “healthy” foods were creating havoc on my body so putting faith in her was a big step. Every time she makes a change in the plan, I have to have faith that this is the right decision for me, this is what it takes to create the changes and transformations required in this sport. This is what works for me when everyone else may be a totally different plan. Even when other athletes you know may be doing something different, I trust her. I trust her because she has shown me time and time again that I can and that I should.

Show me

In a role reversal conversation I once told a trainer to remember where he started because within his growth, his ego had somewhat inflated but the quality of his service had declined.  I believe in life that being humble allows for learning and if you’re learning you are growing. If you’re growing you are overcoming your own barriers and truly be fulfilled and successful.  Some people like to claim their success by being narcissistic or arrogant. Melissa does neither of these. She never made false promises to me, never ran her mouth about how fantastic her work was or that of the team she works with, nor did she bother to insult other coaches and teams and their way of working.  She strives to do her best for her clients like me because she has a solid work ethic and is dedicated to do her best. It’s important to be confident in your work and yourself but if you think you have nothing more to learn you will eventually have nothing more to give.

Work Ethic

I know what it is to be a good teacher because I am a teacher.  I also know there are some things that you can’t teach others. That’s work ethic. You can coach, guide, counsel this on to someone else but some people don’t have a strong work ethic and it shows not only in their own performances but also in the way they care for others.  I see this in Melissa.  I think by now you may have read in my blogs that I am a little bit of the “outlier”. I am not her “average” client. I come with a lot of challenges and obstacles. I have literally made that girl research, study, sweat, panic, worry and maybe even cry. In one week alone, she may have had to change my food plan a dozen times due to the inundation of inflammation and reactions my body was having to everything I ate. In fact, if it weren’t for her guidance, I would not have politely suggested to some of the doctors that they were missing a piece of the puzzle and to keep checking for more answers.  She constantly worked in collaboration with me and in tandem with what the health professionals recommended for me and believe me there are not a lot of coaches or people out there that would have gone to that extent.

Rapport

Knowledge is useless if you don’t have the insight and wisdom to be able to share it with others.  Hence, the importance of building a rapport with people and learning to connect to their needs and to who they are. From my countless “crazy” panic texts and talks, Melissa has been there to support me, to listen to me just enough and then to steer me in the right direction. She doesn’t do it because she has to. She does it because she truly cares. She wants me to be successful and if I am successful so is she and the team.

You’re only as strong as your leader, they say and Melissa has also had a strong leader. Team LudaChris (Chris Gurunlian) has been one that I can count on and they have each contributed significantly to where I am today and I am very grateful for their hard work in all areas down to the posing (Yulia Berezina thank you for your patience and insistence on getting this right).

I wish that I could guarantee the best outcome for myself with this upcoming competition not only for myself but for Melissa. Her hard work, dedication and care inspire me to do better each day.  I see the genuine look of pride on her face when I do well and for that and more she deserves a win. Regardless of outcomes, I need her to know that I am grateful and that I see her more than just a coach but as a friend. Because when I was down she helped me get back up and built a warrior from the rubble.56852898_503055583562255_1131199037492428800_n.jpg

Booty & Biscotti 7: Feed Me!

On By Diana ALeave a comment

“What would you like to eat”, she asked anticipating some strange request about to come her way.

“I want figs”, she answered.

Flashforward a few weeks later, the request turned to apples and then the ultimate: chestnuts!

Those requests would be made by none other than me during assessments with my coach.  While most people likely sat in her office and asked for chocolate etc…that’s where I differ once more, as many of my favourite foods are part of the atypical list.  Not to mention I have a thing for eating those seasonal glories. Many people may be satiated to eat a take out pizza here and there as a cheat meal. I’d rather be going to the fish market and cooking up a mean seafood platter from scratch or planning a 5 course meal for guests.

Despite enjoying to indulge, it’s not something I’ve allowed myself to do often as I have always been fearful of gaining too much weight.  So when my coach told me I needed to eat way more, the foodie in me squealed with joy. Contrary to what many people may believe, people that bodybuild don’t starve (just towards final peak time of competition). On the contrary we eat a lot or in my case an obscene amount of food. Throughout this journey, I have done things I never imagined starting with being a constant grazer.

Constant Grazer

First week of school, my students learned that in my class there are not set feeding times. They can graze whenever they want and as often as they want so long as it remains clean and doesn’t interfere with what they have to do, because that’s pretty much what I do. They quickly got used to me hovering around them and their work while holding one of my food containers, or waiting to finish chewing before answering one of their questions. The Italian kid in my class is loving every moment of this both for his own satisfaction and for the sheer entertainment factor I provide with all my meal shenanigans.   Everyone learned really quickly that the same girl that is cool and collected during crisis intervention situations completely unraveled the day I forgot my sweet potatoes at home. In fact, it was such a big deal that I drove back home to get them and my work partner is still cracking up over this moment of frenzy.  Even better is the second looks I get at Costco when my cart is filled with 5 bags of sweet potatoes that only last me one week at a time. I’m surprised my skin tone has not turned orange.

Hunter

Having spent most of my life gagging or avoiding most meats, you can understand why my best friend looked at me and asked, “What did you do with my friend?”  If she only knew that since that day I also ate a moose. Yup you read that right. And I no longer gag much either. In fact, as much as I love lentils and vegetarian options, I had to ditch them because I am intolerant to a lot of meatless options and they make me really sick. Crown me the hunting goddess then as the Romans and Greeks would have!

Everywhere

I have also taken to eating everywhere and had to get over being shy or uncomfortable pretty fast. I bet I can create a whole Dr Seuss tale about all the places I have eaten which include slamming down my meal in a car in between point A and B.

 

“I’ve eaten in a car

Right before going into a bar

Eaten on the run

And underneath the sun…”

One of my funniest moments had to be while I sat there all decked out in a business suit during a pretty intense meeting with a bunch of grand poobah’s.  The meeting had gone way past its scheduled time. Not only was I past hungry, I was panicking as if I didn’t eat soon, I would be stuck having to eat three meals in a short amount of time.  Right there in mid argument between several members, I pulled out my container, smiled sheepishly and began to eat and I didn’t care the least if they felt that to be unprofessional. The fact that we were sitting there another year discussing the same thing with no results was more unprofessional in my opinion.

“Again???”

If you have spent some time with me for a few hours you will likely end up saying, “You eating again?” Pretty much!  I even managed to silence my old school Italian mother who at first because of all my dietary restrictions thought I was going to die of starvation. Since she has witnessed me easily out eat my husband and pretty much anyone in the family at this point, she has had nothing to say other than her occasional opinion about me not needing muscles and to not get sick blah blah blah.

A Foodie at Heart

Before it was popular, many of my photos were like the one shown here dating back to 2006, capturing some tantalizing meals around the globe.  

55526905_636825396758243_8682639279240773632_nFood is a huge part of my culture and an integral part of me. I’ve been surrounded by pretty impressive kitchen talent all my life so I also don’t settle for “mediocre” food.  My family never had the opportunity to be in the food industry but this is where their true talent is. Let me tell you the competition is pretty fierce during the holidays! At four years old, my daughter has already developed quite the palette and often likes to ask what’s cooking in the kitchen.

So minus the restrictions that only allow me to dream of the biscotti that I’m surrounded by with my new business endeavor, bodybuilding is right in alignment with the foodie in me.  Post competition, I am slamming my own biscotti down along with many other things but in the meantime I will adhere to my diet. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go fuel up for my booty!

Booty & Biscotti 6: Be Authentic

On By Diana ALeave a comment

“She’s different”, she said.  

That’s what my colleague said about me to another colleague just this week.  While I’m not one to crave being the center of attention in any way, one of my pet peeve is “copying”.  I don’t want to wear the latest trend if it doesn’t suit me, walk into the same room and have the same dress, nor do I want to live someone else’s white picket fence life. It’s not to say that I don’t do things that are similar to everyone else or at times desire things that others have. I have participated in many milestones that others engage in such as marriage, having a family etc… Aside from that I embrace authenticity and when I don’t have the courage to do it myself I look for it in others.  I’m tough on my students when they give me the same old generic answers and I try to challenge them to be their own person and not a replica of others.

In every area, people want to replicate and do the same and that is so counterproductive to living authentically and in harmony with who we really are supposed to be.  This is no exception in the world of fitness. Whether it’s the cross-fit phase, the intermittent fasting phase, belly wraps (or whatever they’re called), gluten diets and more. It seems like every group of females is always huddled over on the quest to achieve the best glutes and abs.  I don’t blame them. I’ve been on that quest too but usually in a social gathering you can see me eyeball roll and discreetly creep back and join the wolfpack instead because I’d rather talk about funny social stories or sex than the next diet trend. Flash forward 20 minutes later when I rejoin the group.  What are we talking about now? Collagen or something like that? Ughh abort! No offense to anyone out there truly but I’m just not interested in hearing a play by play about about everyone’s diet and trends including my own. “You do you”, as Sarah Knight says.  You do you and let me do me.

With age, I am learning the importance of doing what’s right for me and being authentic and of course trying not to compare. The key word in this phrase is “learning” as I haven’t mastered it myself yet.  It’s not because your best friend is the elastic queen that you have to take up yoga when you have no interest in folding yourself like a pretzel. You have to find what works for you and that might mean a whole lot of self-exploration.  I’d argue that one of the reasons diets fail is that we’re too focused on what worked for everyone else rather than what works for us. I’ve done it myself. Where I end up saving a thousand suggested fitness exercises and tricks only to have a countless slew of photos and videos, half of them contradicting each other and no time to do any of it. So I learned to stop and focus and learn what I like. What drives me? What motivates me? What works for me? My bodybuilding experience has allowed me to get to know myself on many levels right down to how I metabolize food (or not) Good old Sally might be able to sustain herself on her salad every day or the pretty little lean machines on Instagram that post themselves eating chocolate.  All it takes is for some of us to visually scan the box and we can swear our ass grew.

Recently, I was chatting with a beautiful friend who seemed to be belittling herself because she wasn’t bodybuilding and competing.  It’s as if she was diminishing everything she was already doing because she wasn’t in some competition. If the adults are doing and saying this imagine what our young girls are thinking and saying. You don’t have to be anyone other than who you want to and you need to learn to align yourself with who you are and truly want to be, not who you think you should be to please others or who others think you should be.  Never mind what others may be doing or saying.

I appreciate the many sources of inspiration that have come my way. They have motivated me and added great value and richness to my life. Many people have come into my life and inspired me and these have been some of the greatest little gifts that life has to offer. But there’s a difference between inspiration and replication.  In each experience that you encounter take the lessons that come your way and learn from it and turn it into your own. Be rare and take the road less traveled. Find your passions and what fuels you. Be a beacon of light to others and most of all remember to be authentic.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go and find some creative way to apply this before I stand there on a stage trying to demonstrate my own authenticity among all those booties!

zebra

Booty & Biscotti 5: Posing Hell

On By Diana ALeave a comment

“Do you ever walk in heels?”, she asked in disbelief.

“What’s wrong with the way I’m walking?”, she thought.  It wasn’t until she watched it on video that her mouth gaped open and thought, “Oh hell I look like that?!!!”

So there it is. I apparently can’t walk in heels. Let’s clarify.  I walk and move around a lot. Or if you read one of my last blogs about time you know I’m pretty much literally running around, dashing through one place to another like Tazmanian Devil.  And I do it in heels all the time. I am no stranger to heels. In fact, I detest feet but have a shoe(heels) obsession. I have jumped over furniture in heels, walked on Roman cobblestone all day, refereed a soccer game and my bestie can vouch I have sprinted at least 500 m in heels to catch a bus like it was nothing.  

shoeThat is until this particular shoe entered my life. Don’t ever introduce me to the person that invented this shoe as I may be tempted to stab them in the eye. Worst shoe of all time. Even worse than the walk and the shoe itself, is posing, or what I have now called this part of my day posing hell. You see the bodybuilding competition is not only about how you look. The judges don’t care what you did or how hard you worked to get there. There is a marketing component as they want you to flaunt yourself like a peacock, twisting your body painfully and unnaturally in the worst shoe of life. Oh and smile! (I’m gritting my teeth here like a very angry dog) Of course you want to also ensure to balance this off looking the right amount of sultry, confident and not shady if you know where I’m going…Are you throwing in the towel yet? If so I don’t blame you!

I quietly thank my coach for not talking much about this part back at the end of the summer when I decided to compete. I don’t think I would have stuck around.  There are two obstacles I am aiming to conquer on this journey. It’s not the diet and not the fitness. It’s posing. Posing hell. I have an even greater appreciation and respect to these ladies in the sport as many of them are able to move so fluidly in their poses. My posing teacher (yup I had to hire one as I’m that pitiful) can move any which way like water and make you gawk.  This is not the case for a Plain Jane like me. If you’ve seen Miss Congeniality you know that this clumsy rough edged woman required an entire squad to get all glamorous and be graceful. Getting glammed up can be fun but I need a miracle at this point for the posing.

Although the posing moves are unnatural and the shoe has me feeling like the stepsisters in Cinderella, the root of the problem runs far deeper than the shoe but has more to do with an individual’s presence and confidence.  I have not ever been one to demand attention or have all eyes on me. Even in the past, I did not gyrate my hips on the dance floor. I was too busy socializing and drinking with the wolf pack at the bar. I could hold my own and carry on a conversation about anything and nothing with anyone and everyone and I make a great wing man but then it stops there. No one paid much attention to me other than my impressive skills (I’ve been bone dry for a very long time now no need to worry) and I just grew up assuming people didn’t care to pay attention to me anyway.  I’m not upset about this at all; just simply stating the facts. That being said, I can walk into a room and own it and not be tongue tied but if I have to try to shine in a physical way, I can cower in an instant. Some people don’t struggle with this and can be so pompous you want to puke. Recently, if you were a fly on the wall, you would have seen two girls walk into the space where I was posing, strip out of their clothes like it was nothing and turn and twist around without blinking.  What was I doing? Trying to quickly get back into my clothes in a corner all the while screaming in my head, “Dammit girl get it together your momma made you decent looking!”

So these next weeks need to be about self acceptance: Who am I? Where am I now? Reflection: How have I grown? What do I need to do next to improve?, and self love.  Before I can even dive deeper into confidence, I have to go put those awful shoes on and strike a pose.

53847848_2315138202055390_524874269478354944_n

Booty & Biscotti 4: Fight or Flight?

On By Diana A1 Comment

She paced frantically from one end of the hallway to the next, then rushed back into the room stopping before the mirror, twisting and turning different angles and finally shrieked, “I won’t be able to compete!” Her husband did his best to reassure her that all would work out fine.

That frantic girl in the mirror. That’s me again.  Frantic. Frantic because as always, there’s always a struggle. I always have to jump through ten thousand hoops while everyone else coasts through life. I wish I could say I’m exaggerating but I’m not.  This applies to everything I do and have done and those closest to me have seen it and felt the raft of my frustration.

So when it comes to my fitness journey, it should not have been a surprise to me to be faced with obstacles, starting with my auto-immune disorder, that make my competition goals seem unattainable on some days. 

Auto-immune Disorders:

A little over 5 years ago I was diagnosed with celiac disease. The common misconception is that once you eliminate gluten from your life everything will go right back to normal. Nope. Celiac disease is an autoimmune disorder and there are a lot of issues surrounding autoimmune disorders.  One of those issues is that the disorders usually come as a trio. Meaning, you end up with one you likely will inherit three of them and they may not be at the same time. Worse than the timeline, is the whole mystery surrounding auto-immune disorders and the degree of severity can range depending on which unlucky trio you developed. It’s no surprise that people with auto-immune disorders will be wishing they only get skin problems rather than multiple sclerosis.  In my case, things crept up on me so I ended up with mysterious skin problems on my hands, severe inflammation, digestion problems and recently a bunch of food intolerances (let’s hope nothing else is brewing) The smallest thing can send my body in a state of inflammation and pain for three days or more. That small thing can be as basic as a zucchini. The bottom line is that the amount of inflammation it causes would maybe go unnoticed in my day to day wardrobe but I can’t go on stage in a teeny bikini looking like I have a Joey in the pouch when in fact I don’t and worked this hard. Even more frustrating is that this was somewhat under control and with 11 weeks to go before competition, I have “re-exploded” While everyone else is shredding away I’m blowing up and have my top people scrambling trying to help a girl like me out.

Stress and Cortisol:

“You’re in a constant state of flight or flight”  I have been told this phrase by many medical or sport professionals within the past two years.

“Nahh, really?”, is what goes on in my head sarcastically.  I usually just smile and don’t bother elaborating. Where would I even start?  Do I start with the morning events where I literally projected my body over furniture to avoid being slammed by someone’s fury and emotional dysregulation, the irate set of parents I had to calm down during my small administration task or my toddler being a typical toddler.  Find me one person that doesn’t have stress in their lives. Everyone does and this shouldn’t always be feared as it can teach us many valuable lessons and resilience. 

What’s alarming about my situation is that I wasn’t aware of my stress levels.  I thought I wasn’t stressed because I responded to stressful events around me with quick responses and ease but overtime, my brain learned that it wasn’t safe to shut off and I entered the dangerous stress cycle releasing cortisol to my body.  Add in my current lifestyle which has me clocking in about 4 hours or maximum 5 hours of sleep per night. Cortisol is not a friend and certainly not in alignment with bodybuilding as it can hinder muscle gain, weight loss and have other negative impacts on your body. In my case, it has added to the inflammation problem and muscle building has taken a long (enter the great word from last blog) TIME!

Extra Curveballs:

If you’ve ever seen the Hunger Games movie, there is a scene where they show the district team sitting behind control panels throwing obstacles at the contestants. I remember thinking this was an accurate representation of how things work out for me.  The calm before the storm. Sitting there doing my thing, working hard and then wham, an extra curve ball comes my way. Always living within the outliers or those rare little moments that come around to shake things up. The running gag in my family is to “call the priest” because someone has a serious bone to pick with me. I have to laugh because if I don’t I might give up and I can’t give up. It’s not an option. 

My Own Self: 

Enough said. I need to “overcome” myself and this needs its own blog piece.

When I decided to compete, I made a lot of assumptions about the sport and people participating.  I cannot speak of other athletes journey, only of my own and I have come to see that we may end up at the same destination but many players will have taken a different path to get there.  My path is arduous, long, curvy and sometimes lonely but it is a part of what makes me. I will fight and get where I want to go and need to be because I am dedicated, committed, capable, passionate and strong. Now get out of my way…20190306_232648obstacle

 

Booty & Biscotti: Time

On By Diana ALeave a comment

Panic set in as she stared at the calendar dates in front of her. Her body felt hot and her heartbeat accelerated as the only thing that came to mind was, “I’m running out of time”

Time.

One small word that resonates deeply in my life, time and time again. I say this because I alwaaliceys feel like I’m running out of time, chasing time, on a timeline, wanting more time, not being aligned with time etc…My husband constantly mocks me about it.  He claims I am “Jack Bauer” from the television series 24 who is often heard yelling, “We’re out of time”. When I zip through the house like a tornado, cursing about time, he usually laughs and yells out, “Calm down Jack”. As someone who sleeps minimal hours too, I’m not one to have a lot of leisure time on my hands and I have to be very strategic with what I invest in.

Bodybuilding has been a wonderful new endeavor and has taught me a lot about time.  Time. Time is a lot of things. Time is patience. Time is allowing seeds to be planted. Time is dedication. Time is perseverance. Time is wisdom. Time is opportunity. Time is waiting when it’s best to wait and not do. Time is following through. Time is allowing things to grow and muscles need time to grow.  In fact, I have photos of myself that are sometimes months apart with minimal changes in my body composition that have sent me into a fit of rage knowing how much time I invest on improving myself as I sometimes crave for the results to be more instantaneous. Sometimes, time will surprise you and bring success quicker than you anticipated. Muscle growth and changing your body composition require proper form and exercise, effort, a consistent diet, clean eating and yes that word again, time.

When I started to take weight training seriously two years ago, my old trainer said to me one day in January, “Wait until you see what you can do next year”. I was dead serious and partly offended when I retorted, “Why not March?”. Needless to say, we were both annoyed with each other. I thought he had no faith in me and he thought I was nuts. I had to embrace it and learn that muscle definition takes a very long time. There will always be one wise-ass that will boast that it took them no time at all but trust me when I say that 90 percent plus of the population will have to put in a lot of time grinding to get those results. Having started at my age, I often sigh and think how I would look right now had I started earlier but looking forward is best and I will continue to improve and that’s what matters most.

Bodybuilding takes hours in the gym: time to rack the weights, do your sets, breathe, rest, hydrate, unrack, repeat. If you step up to the demands of competition, all of this becomes more amplified. Not only do you have to put in the time to exercise, your time then needs to incorporate food preps, posing practice (wait until you hear about this disaster) and more. Much more. This sport has taught me that there is so much more behind every muscular frame and person that we build.  It has taught me not to make assumptions or judgments about others. Everyone has their reasons, their source of inspiration, obstacles and journey to get to their end results.

“The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit. Change takes time” (@ancientwisdom).

I had to learn this and embrace this very statement over the past few months.  With less than 12 weeks away from stepping onto the stage for my first competition, I have to embrace where I am right now and compare it only to what I was and not what I should be.  In this photo of me below posted by my coach yesterday, this is the evidence that time has given me progress, whether competition ready or not. I have hit some milestones and that’s something to be proud of. Now I better go work on that ass of mine otherwise I’m going to have to rename this series Biceps and Biscotti!

20190226_055027