Author: Diana A

Booty & Biscotti 9: Meet my Coach

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56866504_615096542298836_7961843964816916480_n“Trust me”, she said.

That was what my coach said after I nearly fell out of my seat when she told me I needed to grow my ass.  I think I may have shouted out a “Oh hells no” loud enough for half the gym to hear. As far as I was concerned one of the reasons that I had signed up with her was to help me reduce what I thought was the biggest part of me so I was a bit confused with her statement.  There I stood stating all my requests as if I was making selections from a takeout menu. “I want more this and less of this”, I said pointing around to parts of my body. She was silent and had a little smirk on her face completely omitting what she probably refers to as my “crazy talk”.

I discovered Melissa through a social acquaintance on Instagram.  I was truly amazed with her physique and the way she carried it with beauty and grace. The caption posted about her really resonated with me that day too. Some blurb about people telling her she couldn’t achieve what she did. Yet she did.  My curiosity turned to fear as I thought to myself, “This is way out of my league. She’s going to laugh at me”, and I’d toss my phone to the side. Until about 5 months later.

“I’m not one that needs to be pushed. You tell me to do something I will do it”

That was my opening line during our first consultation when I finally had the nerve to meet her. I needed her to know that I don’t need to be pushed. I am dedicated and if you tell me to do 10 burpees, I’ll give you 15 without complaining and they won’t be half ass. That’s just who I am. What she also needed to know was that my tank was completely empty.  In certain areas of my life, I had given so much, even too much and yet I felt as though I was always falling short of my goals in some way or another. I constantly felt like I was a hamster on a wheel, spinning around and around and not actually going anywhere. I needed something tangible. Even more so I craved something greater than I could even yet pinpoint. I think she sensed that and understood how to guide me.  With the right combination of trust, integrity, a strong work ethic and a positive connection, Melissa has been and is a true gem.

Trust

I’m a very empathetic and intuitive individual so when I say my senses about a person are bang on I’m usually right and before even meeting my coach (a.k.a. “The Sassinator”) I knew I was on the right path. I don’t think I can find the right words to explain how difficult it can be to put your trust in someone else when it comes to your own body especially with the medical baggage I come with. So for me to trust in someone else to determine what exercise to do, what food to eat and how much of it I should be eating was a big step.  At the point where I had met her I had just spent 40 days on an elimination diet trying to pinpoint what was making me sick. I was eating healthy but not the right amounts, combinations and some of the “healthy” foods were creating havoc on my body so putting faith in her was a big step. Every time she makes a change in the plan, I have to have faith that this is the right decision for me, this is what it takes to create the changes and transformations required in this sport. This is what works for me when everyone else may be a totally different plan. Even when other athletes you know may be doing something different, I trust her. I trust her because she has shown me time and time again that I can and that I should.

Show me

In a role reversal conversation I once told a trainer to remember where he started because within his growth, his ego had somewhat inflated but the quality of his service had declined.  I believe in life that being humble allows for learning and if you’re learning you are growing. If you’re growing you are overcoming your own barriers and truly be fulfilled and successful.  Some people like to claim their success by being narcissistic or arrogant. Melissa does neither of these. She never made false promises to me, never ran her mouth about how fantastic her work was or that of the team she works with, nor did she bother to insult other coaches and teams and their way of working.  She strives to do her best for her clients like me because she has a solid work ethic and is dedicated to do her best. It’s important to be confident in your work and yourself but if you think you have nothing more to learn you will eventually have nothing more to give.

Work Ethic

I know what it is to be a good teacher because I am a teacher.  I also know there are some things that you can’t teach others. That’s work ethic. You can coach, guide, counsel this on to someone else but some people don’t have a strong work ethic and it shows not only in their own performances but also in the way they care for others.  I see this in Melissa.  I think by now you may have read in my blogs that I am a little bit of the “outlier”. I am not her “average” client. I come with a lot of challenges and obstacles. I have literally made that girl research, study, sweat, panic, worry and maybe even cry. In one week alone, she may have had to change my food plan a dozen times due to the inundation of inflammation and reactions my body was having to everything I ate. In fact, if it weren’t for her guidance, I would not have politely suggested to some of the doctors that they were missing a piece of the puzzle and to keep checking for more answers.  She constantly worked in collaboration with me and in tandem with what the health professionals recommended for me and believe me there are not a lot of coaches or people out there that would have gone to that extent.

Rapport

Knowledge is useless if you don’t have the insight and wisdom to be able to share it with others.  Hence, the importance of building a rapport with people and learning to connect to their needs and to who they are. From my countless “crazy” panic texts and talks, Melissa has been there to support me, to listen to me just enough and then to steer me in the right direction. She doesn’t do it because she has to. She does it because she truly cares. She wants me to be successful and if I am successful so is she and the team.

You’re only as strong as your leader, they say and Melissa has also had a strong leader. Team LudaChris (Chris Gurunlian) has been one that I can count on and they have each contributed significantly to where I am today and I am very grateful for their hard work in all areas down to the posing (Yulia Berezina thank you for your patience and insistence on getting this right).

I wish that I could guarantee the best outcome for myself with this upcoming competition not only for myself but for Melissa. Her hard work, dedication and care inspire me to do better each day.  I see the genuine look of pride on her face when I do well and for that and more she deserves a win. Regardless of outcomes, I need her to know that I am grateful and that I see her more than just a coach but as a friend. Because when I was down she helped me get back up and built a warrior from the rubble.56852898_503055583562255_1131199037492428800_n.jpg

Booty & Biscotti 8: Find Support

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“That’s not enough for me. I need more”, she said.

And so began an awkward conversation with a loved one.

Some people are very simple in their ways and content to live their life surrounded by few family members and friends, following basic routines.  They have what they need and if they wanted anything more they might likely not even be aware of it. I am grateful for the family and people that surround me, or the simplicity of the sun that shines and the smell of a good coffee. Despite all this I am very curious and need to be immersed in stimulating projects and ideas. It’s just who I am and who I need to be.

Many will argue that if you have your family and closest circle of friends this is all you need and this is all you should make room for.  While I think that your family should always take precedence, I think we deny ourselves a whole world of opportunities when we dim the lights on what surrounds us.

The Biased Perspective:

I’d like to counter the notion that family or long time friends know us best. They don’t always. Your family and friends don’t always know what’s good for you because they tend to look at you from a biased perspective and sometimes one that seems frozen in time.  It may be hard for them to see you in any other way than what you have been. Read that again and reflect. How many family dinners have you had where the the cards always play out the same way: the kid that needs to be taken care of will always be the one that needs caring for. If you studied law your whole life, they will always see you as a lawyer, so when you develop an interest, passion or talent in another area, they may just not understand it.  It may even feel like they want to stifle that part of you. I know. I’ve seen it happen to others and felt it myself. From the fierce advice about how to live your life to not even a word of encouragement from “friends” on your new endeavors. People do evolve, they grow, they change, they explore, they achieve, they succeed and they fail too but those around us are biased with the perceptions and sometimes miss out on the growth that happens. That perception keeps you locked up in a tiny box. If I listened to what some family and friends had to say I would have the second child for my first to play with, set aside any career ambitions I have and hang on for retirement and so on.  And that is their dream and not what I need. I sometimes can’t believe how the same two people that crossed the Atlantic ocean in the cargo part of a ship not knowing a single person in this country or the language, with 5 bucks in their pockets are so ridden with anxiety over how I want to live my life. In these moments where I feel like I am a disappointment to so many, I need a support group and need people around me that don’t know my history or have any expectations around me.

The Support Group

“If ever I had to put my eggs in someone’s basket, I’d choose yours”, she said.  This statement came from a wise woman I highly respect. She caught me off guard with her comment. If she only knew I was crying inside and felt like such a failure. So her comment was uplifting and appreciated and even more touching because she didn’t know how I felt, didn’t need to say what she did but that’s just how she sees me. I am honoured by her faith in me.

I have learned with time the importance of having a support group, the importance that people play in our life and the valuable wisdom and knowledge that can be imparted on us when we are receptive to it.  

When I encounter new people, a fire sparks up within me and I’m interested to learn how they see me without their biased view of the “teacher”, “wife”, “sibling” or other roles that I have in my life.  Some of these people may have come around as a fleeting conversation with a stranger that you never see again, some may be an acquaintance that you don’t know much about but they may be there at the right time or have said something you needed to hear. I’m highly intuitive and usually have a creepy but accurate sense about others. I’m rarely wrong but if I am wrong that’s okay too. Those people I’m wrong about are around to teach me something with time. Those new interactions can be the most insightful and inspiring moments of your day. Maybe not even for you but for them and you didn’t know it.

Maybe you’re the one person they can truly be themselves with. No judgments, no pretenses.

Maybe you’re the person that sees them for who they are.

Maybe you’re the one that listens to them when everyone else seems to tune them out.

Go out there and find more of those people. You’d be surprised at what they see in you, what they help you see and the beautiful interactions or lessons that can emerge. I truly believe that these encounters are present for a reason, for a season and if they matter that much to you, you’ll want these people around for a lifetime.

Most of all remember to be supportive to someone else when you can. You may be the lifeline they’ve been looking for or you may speak the words of wisdom they so desperately needed to hear.

I know when I felt I had nothing left in my tank there have been people that have unexpectedly poked around in my business, popped up and made me feel alive.  These people seen in the pictures below are just a few of the many that have come around when I am in my “sanctuary” (the gym). They may have been there to cheer me on, to push past the pain, have spoken “one more rep” or maybe shone a light on the parts of ourselves we didn’t know existed.  Some of them have literally helped the booty and biscotti journeys!

So as much as your family and long lasting friendships may be important, they were not present for those moments when you needed that nudge, redirection, push or support. Thank the ones that are there for you when you need them, even if silently, even if your words cannot be said out loud.

Be the best that you can be with your family and those you love but be open to life and the people around you. Because when you open your eyes to the world, you will always find the rare and refreshing. And that makes for a better version of you.

 

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(Photos: Handy Hilaire, Laurie Modugno, “Tony”, Kosta Tsakiris)

Booty & Biscotti 7: Feed Me!

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“What would you like to eat”, she asked anticipating some strange request about to come her way.

“I want figs”, she answered.

Flashforward a few weeks later, the request turned to apples and then the ultimate: chestnuts!

Those requests would be made by none other than me during assessments with my coach.  While most people likely sat in her office and asked for chocolate etc…that’s where I differ once more, as many of my favourite foods are part of the atypical list.  Not to mention I have a thing for eating those seasonal glories. Many people may be satiated to eat a take out pizza here and there as a cheat meal. I’d rather be going to the fish market and cooking up a mean seafood platter from scratch or planning a 5 course meal for guests.

Despite enjoying to indulge, it’s not something I’ve allowed myself to do often as I have always been fearful of gaining too much weight.  So when my coach told me I needed to eat way more, the foodie in me squealed with joy. Contrary to what many people may believe, people that bodybuild don’t starve (just towards final peak time of competition). On the contrary we eat a lot or in my case an obscene amount of food. Throughout this journey, I have done things I never imagined starting with being a constant grazer.

Constant Grazer

First week of school, my students learned that in my class there are not set feeding times. They can graze whenever they want and as often as they want so long as it remains clean and doesn’t interfere with what they have to do, because that’s pretty much what I do. They quickly got used to me hovering around them and their work while holding one of my food containers, or waiting to finish chewing before answering one of their questions. The Italian kid in my class is loving every moment of this both for his own satisfaction and for the sheer entertainment factor I provide with all my meal shenanigans.   Everyone learned really quickly that the same girl that is cool and collected during crisis intervention situations completely unraveled the day I forgot my sweet potatoes at home. In fact, it was such a big deal that I drove back home to get them and my work partner is still cracking up over this moment of frenzy.  Even better is the second looks I get at Costco when my cart is filled with 5 bags of sweet potatoes that only last me one week at a time. I’m surprised my skin tone has not turned orange.

Hunter

Having spent most of my life gagging or avoiding most meats, you can understand why my best friend looked at me and asked, “What did you do with my friend?”  If she only knew that since that day I also ate a moose. Yup you read that right. And I no longer gag much either. In fact, as much as I love lentils and vegetarian options, I had to ditch them because I am intolerant to a lot of meatless options and they make me really sick. Crown me the hunting goddess then as the Romans and Greeks would have!

Everywhere

I have also taken to eating everywhere and had to get over being shy or uncomfortable pretty fast. I bet I can create a whole Dr Seuss tale about all the places I have eaten which include slamming down my meal in a car in between point A and B.

 

“I’ve eaten in a car

Right before going into a bar

Eaten on the run

And underneath the sun…”

One of my funniest moments had to be while I sat there all decked out in a business suit during a pretty intense meeting with a bunch of grand poobah’s.  The meeting had gone way past its scheduled time. Not only was I past hungry, I was panicking as if I didn’t eat soon, I would be stuck having to eat three meals in a short amount of time.  Right there in mid argument between several members, I pulled out my container, smiled sheepishly and began to eat and I didn’t care the least if they felt that to be unprofessional. The fact that we were sitting there another year discussing the same thing with no results was more unprofessional in my opinion.

“Again???”

If you have spent some time with me for a few hours you will likely end up saying, “You eating again?” Pretty much!  I even managed to silence my old school Italian mother who at first because of all my dietary restrictions thought I was going to die of starvation. Since she has witnessed me easily out eat my husband and pretty much anyone in the family at this point, she has had nothing to say other than her occasional opinion about me not needing muscles and to not get sick blah blah blah.

A Foodie at Heart

Before it was popular, many of my photos were like the one shown here dating back to 2006, capturing some tantalizing meals around the globe.  

55526905_636825396758243_8682639279240773632_nFood is a huge part of my culture and an integral part of me. I’ve been surrounded by pretty impressive kitchen talent all my life so I also don’t settle for “mediocre” food.  My family never had the opportunity to be in the food industry but this is where their true talent is. Let me tell you the competition is pretty fierce during the holidays! At four years old, my daughter has already developed quite the palette and often likes to ask what’s cooking in the kitchen.

So minus the restrictions that only allow me to dream of the biscotti that I’m surrounded by with my new business endeavor, bodybuilding is right in alignment with the foodie in me.  Post competition, I am slamming my own biscotti down along with many other things but in the meantime I will adhere to my diet. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go fuel up for my booty!

Booty & Biscotti 6: Be Authentic

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“She’s different”, she said.  

That’s what my colleague said about me to another colleague just this week.  While I’m not one to crave being the center of attention in any way, one of my pet peeve is “copying”.  I don’t want to wear the latest trend if it doesn’t suit me, walk into the same room and have the same dress, nor do I want to live someone else’s white picket fence life. It’s not to say that I don’t do things that are similar to everyone else or at times desire things that others have. I have participated in many milestones that others engage in such as marriage, having a family etc… Aside from that I embrace authenticity and when I don’t have the courage to do it myself I look for it in others.  I’m tough on my students when they give me the same old generic answers and I try to challenge them to be their own person and not a replica of others.

In every area, people want to replicate and do the same and that is so counterproductive to living authentically and in harmony with who we really are supposed to be.  This is no exception in the world of fitness. Whether it’s the cross-fit phase, the intermittent fasting phase, belly wraps (or whatever they’re called), gluten diets and more. It seems like every group of females is always huddled over on the quest to achieve the best glutes and abs.  I don’t blame them. I’ve been on that quest too but usually in a social gathering you can see me eyeball roll and discreetly creep back and join the wolfpack instead because I’d rather talk about funny social stories or sex than the next diet trend. Flash forward 20 minutes later when I rejoin the group.  What are we talking about now? Collagen or something like that? Ughh abort! No offense to anyone out there truly but I’m just not interested in hearing a play by play about about everyone’s diet and trends including my own. “You do you”, as Sarah Knight says.  You do you and let me do me.

With age, I am learning the importance of doing what’s right for me and being authentic and of course trying not to compare. The key word in this phrase is “learning” as I haven’t mastered it myself yet.  It’s not because your best friend is the elastic queen that you have to take up yoga when you have no interest in folding yourself like a pretzel. You have to find what works for you and that might mean a whole lot of self-exploration.  I’d argue that one of the reasons diets fail is that we’re too focused on what worked for everyone else rather than what works for us. I’ve done it myself. Where I end up saving a thousand suggested fitness exercises and tricks only to have a countless slew of photos and videos, half of them contradicting each other and no time to do any of it. So I learned to stop and focus and learn what I like. What drives me? What motivates me? What works for me? My bodybuilding experience has allowed me to get to know myself on many levels right down to how I metabolize food (or not) Good old Sally might be able to sustain herself on her salad every day or the pretty little lean machines on Instagram that post themselves eating chocolate.  All it takes is for some of us to visually scan the box and we can swear our ass grew.

Recently, I was chatting with a beautiful friend who seemed to be belittling herself because she wasn’t bodybuilding and competing.  It’s as if she was diminishing everything she was already doing because she wasn’t in some competition. If the adults are doing and saying this imagine what our young girls are thinking and saying. You don’t have to be anyone other than who you want to and you need to learn to align yourself with who you are and truly want to be, not who you think you should be to please others or who others think you should be.  Never mind what others may be doing or saying.

I appreciate the many sources of inspiration that have come my way. They have motivated me and added great value and richness to my life. Many people have come into my life and inspired me and these have been some of the greatest little gifts that life has to offer. But there’s a difference between inspiration and replication.  In each experience that you encounter take the lessons that come your way and learn from it and turn it into your own. Be rare and take the road less traveled. Find your passions and what fuels you. Be a beacon of light to others and most of all remember to be authentic.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go and find some creative way to apply this before I stand there on a stage trying to demonstrate my own authenticity among all those booties!

zebra

Booty & Biscotti 5: Posing Hell

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“Do you ever walk in heels?”, she asked in disbelief.

“What’s wrong with the way I’m walking?”, she thought.  It wasn’t until she watched it on video that her mouth gaped open and thought, “Oh hell I look like that?!!!”

So there it is. I apparently can’t walk in heels. Let’s clarify.  I walk and move around a lot. Or if you read one of my last blogs about time you know I’m pretty much literally running around, dashing through one place to another like Tazmanian Devil.  And I do it in heels all the time. I am no stranger to heels. In fact, I detest feet but have a shoe(heels) obsession. I have jumped over furniture in heels, walked on Roman cobblestone all day, refereed a soccer game and my bestie can vouch I have sprinted at least 500 m in heels to catch a bus like it was nothing.  

shoeThat is until this particular shoe entered my life. Don’t ever introduce me to the person that invented this shoe as I may be tempted to stab them in the eye. Worst shoe of all time. Even worse than the walk and the shoe itself, is posing, or what I have now called this part of my day posing hell. You see the bodybuilding competition is not only about how you look. The judges don’t care what you did or how hard you worked to get there. There is a marketing component as they want you to flaunt yourself like a peacock, twisting your body painfully and unnaturally in the worst shoe of life. Oh and smile! (I’m gritting my teeth here like a very angry dog) Of course you want to also ensure to balance this off looking the right amount of sultry, confident and not shady if you know where I’m going…Are you throwing in the towel yet? If so I don’t blame you!

I quietly thank my coach for not talking much about this part back at the end of the summer when I decided to compete. I don’t think I would have stuck around.  There are two obstacles I am aiming to conquer on this journey. It’s not the diet and not the fitness. It’s posing. Posing hell. I have an even greater appreciation and respect to these ladies in the sport as many of them are able to move so fluidly in their poses. My posing teacher (yup I had to hire one as I’m that pitiful) can move any which way like water and make you gawk.  This is not the case for a Plain Jane like me. If you’ve seen Miss Congeniality you know that this clumsy rough edged woman required an entire squad to get all glamorous and be graceful. Getting glammed up can be fun but I need a miracle at this point for the posing.

Although the posing moves are unnatural and the shoe has me feeling like the stepsisters in Cinderella, the root of the problem runs far deeper than the shoe but has more to do with an individual’s presence and confidence.  I have not ever been one to demand attention or have all eyes on me. Even in the past, I did not gyrate my hips on the dance floor. I was too busy socializing and drinking with the wolf pack at the bar. I could hold my own and carry on a conversation about anything and nothing with anyone and everyone and I make a great wing man but then it stops there. No one paid much attention to me other than my impressive skills (I’ve been bone dry for a very long time now no need to worry) and I just grew up assuming people didn’t care to pay attention to me anyway.  I’m not upset about this at all; just simply stating the facts. That being said, I can walk into a room and own it and not be tongue tied but if I have to try to shine in a physical way, I can cower in an instant. Some people don’t struggle with this and can be so pompous you want to puke. Recently, if you were a fly on the wall, you would have seen two girls walk into the space where I was posing, strip out of their clothes like it was nothing and turn and twist around without blinking.  What was I doing? Trying to quickly get back into my clothes in a corner all the while screaming in my head, “Dammit girl get it together your momma made you decent looking!”

So these next weeks need to be about self acceptance: Who am I? Where am I now? Reflection: How have I grown? What do I need to do next to improve?, and self love.  Before I can even dive deeper into confidence, I have to go put those awful shoes on and strike a pose.

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Booty & Biscotti 4: Fight or Flight?

On By Diana A1 Comment

She paced frantically from one end of the hallway to the next, then rushed back into the room stopping before the mirror, twisting and turning different angles and finally shrieked, “I won’t be able to compete!” Her husband did his best to reassure her that all would work out fine.

That frantic girl in the mirror. That’s me again.  Frantic. Frantic because as always, there’s always a struggle. I always have to jump through ten thousand hoops while everyone else coasts through life. I wish I could say I’m exaggerating but I’m not.  This applies to everything I do and have done and those closest to me have seen it and felt the raft of my frustration.

So when it comes to my fitness journey, it should not have been a surprise to me to be faced with obstacles, starting with my auto-immune disorder, that make my competition goals seem unattainable on some days. 

Auto-immune Disorders:

A little over 5 years ago I was diagnosed with celiac disease. The common misconception is that once you eliminate gluten from your life everything will go right back to normal. Nope. Celiac disease is an autoimmune disorder and there are a lot of issues surrounding autoimmune disorders.  One of those issues is that the disorders usually come as a trio. Meaning, you end up with one you likely will inherit three of them and they may not be at the same time. Worse than the timeline, is the whole mystery surrounding auto-immune disorders and the degree of severity can range depending on which unlucky trio you developed. It’s no surprise that people with auto-immune disorders will be wishing they only get skin problems rather than multiple sclerosis.  In my case, things crept up on me so I ended up with mysterious skin problems on my hands, severe inflammation, digestion problems and recently a bunch of food intolerances (let’s hope nothing else is brewing) The smallest thing can send my body in a state of inflammation and pain for three days or more. That small thing can be as basic as a zucchini. The bottom line is that the amount of inflammation it causes would maybe go unnoticed in my day to day wardrobe but I can’t go on stage in a teeny bikini looking like I have a Joey in the pouch when in fact I don’t and worked this hard. Even more frustrating is that this was somewhat under control and with 11 weeks to go before competition, I have “re-exploded” While everyone else is shredding away I’m blowing up and have my top people scrambling trying to help a girl like me out.

Stress and Cortisol:

“You’re in a constant state of flight or flight”  I have been told this phrase by many medical or sport professionals within the past two years.

“Nahh, really?”, is what goes on in my head sarcastically.  I usually just smile and don’t bother elaborating. Where would I even start?  Do I start with the morning events where I literally projected my body over furniture to avoid being slammed by someone’s fury and emotional dysregulation, the irate set of parents I had to calm down during my small administration task or my toddler being a typical toddler.  Find me one person that doesn’t have stress in their lives. Everyone does and this shouldn’t always be feared as it can teach us many valuable lessons and resilience. 

What’s alarming about my situation is that I wasn’t aware of my stress levels.  I thought I wasn’t stressed because I responded to stressful events around me with quick responses and ease but overtime, my brain learned that it wasn’t safe to shut off and I entered the dangerous stress cycle releasing cortisol to my body.  Add in my current lifestyle which has me clocking in about 4 hours or maximum 5 hours of sleep per night. Cortisol is not a friend and certainly not in alignment with bodybuilding as it can hinder muscle gain, weight loss and have other negative impacts on your body. In my case, it has added to the inflammation problem and muscle building has taken a long (enter the great word from last blog) TIME!

Extra Curveballs:

If you’ve ever seen the Hunger Games movie, there is a scene where they show the district team sitting behind control panels throwing obstacles at the contestants. I remember thinking this was an accurate representation of how things work out for me.  The calm before the storm. Sitting there doing my thing, working hard and then wham, an extra curve ball comes my way. Always living within the outliers or those rare little moments that come around to shake things up. The running gag in my family is to “call the priest” because someone has a serious bone to pick with me. I have to laugh because if I don’t I might give up and I can’t give up. It’s not an option. 

My Own Self: 

Enough said. I need to “overcome” myself and this needs its own blog piece.

When I decided to compete, I made a lot of assumptions about the sport and people participating.  I cannot speak of other athletes journey, only of my own and I have come to see that we may end up at the same destination but many players will have taken a different path to get there.  My path is arduous, long, curvy and sometimes lonely but it is a part of what makes me. I will fight and get where I want to go and need to be because I am dedicated, committed, capable, passionate and strong. Now get out of my way…20190306_232648obstacle

 

Booty & Biscotti: Time

On By Diana ALeave a comment

Panic set in as she stared at the calendar dates in front of her. Her body felt hot and her heartbeat accelerated as the only thing that came to mind was, “I’m running out of time”

Time.

One small word that resonates deeply in my life, time and time again. I say this because I alwaaliceys feel like I’m running out of time, chasing time, on a timeline, wanting more time, not being aligned with time etc…My husband constantly mocks me about it.  He claims I am “Jack Bauer” from the television series 24 who is often heard yelling, “We’re out of time”. When I zip through the house like a tornado, cursing about time, he usually laughs and yells out, “Calm down Jack”. As someone who sleeps minimal hours too, I’m not one to have a lot of leisure time on my hands and I have to be very strategic with what I invest in.

Bodybuilding has been a wonderful new endeavor and has taught me a lot about time.  Time. Time is a lot of things. Time is patience. Time is allowing seeds to be planted. Time is dedication. Time is perseverance. Time is wisdom. Time is opportunity. Time is waiting when it’s best to wait and not do. Time is following through. Time is allowing things to grow and muscles need time to grow.  In fact, I have photos of myself that are sometimes months apart with minimal changes in my body composition that have sent me into a fit of rage knowing how much time I invest on improving myself as I sometimes crave for the results to be more instantaneous. Sometimes, time will surprise you and bring success quicker than you anticipated. Muscle growth and changing your body composition require proper form and exercise, effort, a consistent diet, clean eating and yes that word again, time.

When I started to take weight training seriously two years ago, my old trainer said to me one day in January, “Wait until you see what you can do next year”. I was dead serious and partly offended when I retorted, “Why not March?”. Needless to say, we were both annoyed with each other. I thought he had no faith in me and he thought I was nuts. I had to embrace it and learn that muscle definition takes a very long time. There will always be one wise-ass that will boast that it took them no time at all but trust me when I say that 90 percent plus of the population will have to put in a lot of time grinding to get those results. Having started at my age, I often sigh and think how I would look right now had I started earlier but looking forward is best and I will continue to improve and that’s what matters most.

Bodybuilding takes hours in the gym: time to rack the weights, do your sets, breathe, rest, hydrate, unrack, repeat. If you step up to the demands of competition, all of this becomes more amplified. Not only do you have to put in the time to exercise, your time then needs to incorporate food preps, posing practice (wait until you hear about this disaster) and more. Much more. This sport has taught me that there is so much more behind every muscular frame and person that we build.  It has taught me not to make assumptions or judgments about others. Everyone has their reasons, their source of inspiration, obstacles and journey to get to their end results.

“The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit. Change takes time” (@ancientwisdom).

I had to learn this and embrace this very statement over the past few months.  With less than 12 weeks away from stepping onto the stage for my first competition, I have to embrace where I am right now and compare it only to what I was and not what I should be.  In this photo of me below posted by my coach yesterday, this is the evidence that time has given me progress, whether competition ready or not. I have hit some milestones and that’s something to be proud of. Now I better go work on that ass of mine otherwise I’m going to have to rename this series Biceps and Biscotti!

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Booty & Biscotti: Small seeds of inspiration

On By Diana A1 Comment

“Do you compete?”, he asked.  I looked behind me as surely he couldn’t be speaking to me. “What?”, I asked.  “Do you compete?”, he repeated. “I wish”, I thought but answered, “No why?” and he proceeded to tell me that I was killing it. Of course when I repeated the comment to another gym bud, he was quick to think that the guy was trying to sweet talk or seduce me. I can assure you that wasn’t the case. My husband on the other hand groaned over his breakfast and gave me that look when he knows my mind is brewing up project ideas. The “here she goes again” look.

Regardless, the man’s comment could not have come at a better time given that I had also spent several months Insta-stalking my now coach and telling my at the time trainer that I needed more and wanted to step it up.

I love weight training. I love the strength required, the intensity, the power I feel. It really drives me and inspires me.  Having begun not too long after my maternity leave I enjoyed it more and more as months went by and really wanted to improve my overall strength and body composition over the last year. The gym and boxing became my sanctuary and two outlets where I was able to focus on myself for a small portion of the day. The solitude during training does not bother me either. I talk to others here and there when I want but am happy to be quiet and in my space doing my workouts. Space and quiet. Something I lack in every other part of my life.  I used to crave noise and silence used to drive me crazy. Now I embrace it because after many years of being a school teacher with a very challenging clientele I don’t have enough quiet and space. I don’t get to “shut off” often to the point it even affects how I sleep. Most days, my role is not even “teaching” but more of an interventionist as I respond to one crisis after another. Then I go home and have to nurture my family: be a wife and mother and juggle the home responsibilities with the “off hours” work that I bring back home. So space and quiet only happens at the gym at 5 am. I don’t have to nurture anyone but myself there.

Those moments where someone may say something to plant a seed in your mind is what it sometimes takes to give someone a little nudge in the right direction. To see past what they know they are capable of and seek what they want but may be held back by fear. So when the same dude asked me a second time about competing, I reflected on how to do what was best for me. What was best for me was to silence my internal chatter and send that new coach a message. I did just that and it was the best decision ever! I suggest you find what motivates you and make those best decisions for yourself too!

Introducing “Booty & Biscotti”

On By Diana A1 Comment

 

She gazed in the mirror with disdain trying to find an angle that covered up her swollen abdomen. “What was I thinking”, she thought to herself and groaned barely able to keep looking at the reflection before her…

That’s me in front of the mirror on most days until I try to kick my own ass and tell myself how far I have come and that I am not willing to stop anytime soon.  

Having celiac disease, a ton of additional food intolerances and chronic inflammation and digestive issues in my body, I’m here to share how I decided to take my sour bag of lemons and turn it into lemonade.  I am a person that needs purpose and something tangible. I set goals because they keep me motivated and fire my passions and spark for life. This series of blog writing is to share my journey, funny tales and maybe even to share some words of inspiration on how a simple girl like me decided to launch myself into two conflicting projects: bodybuilding and biscotti!

Not too long ago had you told me I’d be prepping for my first bodybuilding competition and launching a gluten free cookie business I would have looked at you like you had three heads. Here I am now doing just that and I’m only getting warmed up.  Both these projects have allowed me to discover different passions and facets of myself and have propelled me towards one of the most important challenges of my life: self acceptance, self love and confidence. This journey is helping me transform physically and mentally and while the road is long and arduous, I know I can get there. As the saying goes, “Slow and steady wins the race”.

So how did this all start anyway?  Not intentionally at first. A lot of variables and life circumstances have gradually shifted things into where they are at now. In fact a lot of these things were weaved together unexpectedly.  Starting with a diagnosis of celiac disease five years ago, there was no way I was going to not indulge in another cookie or homemade treat again.  In fact when it comes to sugary indulgences, homemade Italian cookies with a coffee are one of my favourites. I did have a biscotti and cannoli bar at my wedding! Also, no offense to anyone out there either, but I also got fed up of the store gluten free items and many “extra” unnecessary or “unhealthy” ingredients they were full of, not to mention the price to pay to have things stamped “gluten free” So I spent a lot of my maternity time experimenting and trying out different recipes. There have been many “tests” and “failures” in my kitchen and moments where I put Gordon Ramsay to shame with my own Hell’s Kitchen swearing. Gluten free baking is highly sensitive and the smallest variable can throw off your whole batch. With practice and a lot of love, there has been many successful recipes created.  When eating gluten free foods, family and friends have often commented, “Your goodies are so much better” So my little thankful laugh at their comments eventually turned to, “Why not?” and with some guidance and support from good people “Biscotti Diana” was born.

As for the fitness journey, I think I always had some idea of what I wanted to look like and never thought I was capable or understood where to even begin. I’ve always found muscles on a woman sexy but I always categorized myself as being a woman that couldn’t achieve that. Until I got fed up of thinking that way and started asking, “Why not me?”

I work in a very stressful environment and juggle a lot of things in my life so the gym became my sanctuary. It’s my “me time”. In the gym, I can shut out the noise.  I’m no one’s teacher, mother or wife. It’s just me against me pushing to do my best. And this is exactly what I need right now in my life. So stay tuned for updates on my booty growing and biscotti adventures. I’m hoping some of you will be able to connect, laugh or be inspired to push yourself past your own limitations. Now get offline and go grow your booty!