Month: August 2015

Back to School…

On By Diana ALeave a comment

Tomorrow is back to school for me as a teacher and my mind is in overdrive.  I can’t seem to squander away the tension I am feeling as I consider all the things that I have to do in such short time, the anxiety of meeting a new batch of students and the lingering fear as my profession seems to be heading into a catastrophic time.  For this evening though, I am going to try to set aside the government’s preposterous proposals and address some other deep rooted issues that are concerning.

It’s not uncommon for me these days to be at a social gathering and hear other adults passing remarks about their child’s teacher and how they think the work should have been done.  It’s also not uncommon for me these days, to overhear statements that revolve around the theme of telling the teacher off, countering the teacher’s decisions and my favourite statement beginning with “If I was the teacher, I would…”.  For the sake of maintaining friendships and not appearing overly dramatic, I have learned to bite my tongue many times, but it is getting more and more difficult as these statements become more and more frequent.

It seems as though everyone down to the family pet seems to know how to do our jobs better than we do, yet if you ask most people what we do in a given day, they genuinely have no clue and think we do nothing but babysit.  I’m not here to criticize parents, but rather to shed some light to everyone.  As a teacher and a parent here are some things I think you should be aware of as your children head back to school:

A disrespected and unvalued profession

I’m not sure how or why it came to be that teachers became disrespected and in all honesty, I don’t think any reason is a good reason, nor does it really matter.  What matters is that we make an effort to try to change this for future generations.

Meaning no disrespect at all to those I care about, I have to say that some of my closest friends and family members still don’t understand what I do and I am partially to blame for that.  I got tired of explaining and just don’t bother anymore and so my conversations about work are very limited and infrequent.  I chose to talk about the things that I have common ground with them instead to alleviate any headaches and broken friendships.

I can likely compile a book on all the rude statements I have heard over time.  Any of the following are just examples of course:  “Ah come on, you’re a teacher, you have all summer off” “So like what do you do with the kids?” “She teaches grade (blank). It must be easy to teach the younger ones”, “At least you don’t have to go back to work into a managerial position” and more.

Interestingly, if we were to make statements of other professions, we likely wouldn’t make it through a social gathering without getting our teeth knocked out in a brawl.  Many of the same people like to put themselves on pedestals and not realize that condescending statements that are made of teachers, as harmless as they may seem in the moment, accumulate and create a culture of disrespect and lend the message to society that the teaching profession is not valuable.

The job takes longer than we are clocked in for

The hours we get paid are simply not enough to actually perform and complete the task. Not even close to it.  Contrary to what many will believe, we truly do not have 9 to 5 type hours, in the sense that we do not clock in and out.  Many of us may appear to scramble out the door but there is a lot that is not visible to the eye that we do.  Perhaps we may leave at the bell but work from home, or some prefer to stay much later and work until dinner and then head home.  All those extra hours regardless of where they take place are unaccounted for, not paid, no compensation time, no bonus, nada.  As much as I would like more, I know I will never get it, therefore, I am simply asking that you understand and realize that many of you if you were to do the same within your employment, you would be compensated with some extra time, extra pay, a bonus or so, or at minimum, some form of recognition.  This is not our reality and likely never will be. The teachers that cannot afford to put in the extra time sometimes suffer in the classroom trying to manage and keep up with the day to day responsibilities that they incur.

There is no script

Many of you believe that we walk in to a script.  There is no script. There are curriculum guidelines set on us that differ provincially and regionally and we build a curriculum based on those guidelines with minimal resources.  Which brings me to the next point…

Bureaucracy

We should have resources but we don’t have enough.  We are not given freedom to decide what to do with education funds.  The government distributes the funds as they believe fit to school boards who then distribute it how they see it fit and so it continues to the very bottom of the food chain where we are.  It may not matter that one school may need more than another or that Johnny’s illness is much more severe than Samantha’s.  So please the next time you would like to comment on the way we do things, please don’t, because it’s not your expertise, but ours and we have a unbelievable amount of bureaucracy to tolerate.

“That teacher doesn’t know what they are doing”

Many of you actually believe this statement.  Many of you actually believe you could do the job better, or believe that we should listen to your set of guidelines and expectations as to how the job should be completed.  I find this quite bold of society.  After all, do you walk around saying you can perform an open heart surgery to a doctor? I think not, yet it seems to be normative behaviour to patronize a teacher.  Many teachers do not come around to your offices and tell you how you should be doing your jobs, therefore it would be appreciated if you would not do the same with us.  A simple comment such as, “I’m not sure what to do, what can you suggest” will go a very long way in demonstrating to your child’s teacher that you acknowledge that they have the knowledge and you appreciate, value and respect their expertise.

Character versus competence

You might not like hearing this but in any profession there are different kinds of people and characters. That means, that like in every other profession there are some teachers that are just not very competent, or perhaps they are very good at what they do but are not the most socially likeable person.  Perhaps, your child’s teacher has excellent skills at teaching Math and classroom management but is a total bitch.  There are many traits that are common amongst individuals who teach, but there is still character and individuality.  This also applies to the students.  As a teacher it is our responsibility to find a way to teach a child despite their limitations and or character.  Yes, character.  We seem to forget that children, although young, are developing their characters and as human beings, some personalities clash with others.  I have not loved every student that I have encountered.  Some personalities are harder to deal with, so when I encounter that I make it a point to try to not judge that student or dislike that student, but just see it as a personality clash.  This is socialization.  Do you get along with everyone in your workplace? No, so in a given classroom, it will be possible that one student may clash with the personality of the teacher.  All different personalities are important as they teach adults and youth combined the important skills about socialization and how to get along with others.  That being said, understand that the teacher you dislike may have some valuable lesson that they will extend to your child and vice versa.

Age has nothing to do with it, so please be more respectful towards older teachers

There seems to be misconceptions among society that the older teachers are burnt out, tired, boring and should head for the hills.  After working with many teachers, I can tell you I have encountered so many older teachers that have been inspiring and whom have provided a wealth of knowledge and I have also encountered my fair share of newly graduates that have left me wondering in awe how and why they were given their degree.  Age has nothing to do with it. Bottom line, it comes down to the individual teacher.  Many are constantly in professional development programs and soaking up as much knowledge as they can while others act like they know it all.  The twenty five year old that acts as though she knows it all will still behave that way at 50 years old.  Their attitude might stink and it has nothing to do with their age.  I believe we can all learn from each other and have something to contribute to the workplace.

Stop chastising us for having the summer off

Enough already! It really is not our say as to schools being closed during summer, however we really would wish for you to stop tormenting us about it. This is time that we have already worked for and are given and believe me when I say that if you really understood and experienced what we do in a given day, you wouldn’t even question this downtime.  But I’d happily work through the summer, if it meant getting paid twenty thousand or more in a year, because when you actually break down what we do, we are working far below minimum wage.  You do not understand our pay, nor would you want to have it.  Many of you in your fields would never tolerate being told in an interview that you would get paid 10 dollars an hour, but only get to take 7 right away which would be taxed and then the other 3 you would collect during the summer and get taxed again.  We understand it is an inconvenience to your work schedules to have to look for sitters and day camps, but we do not take the decision so please let it go.  This is the only “perk” that we have. Even with our “government” jobs, we still make less and have less than you.  My retirement plan may sound fantastic to you but chances are you’ve already accumulated more in RESP and investments than I have.  Many of you in the corporate world have extra incentives like investment matching that we are not even given a choice.  I would be so happy to put away a few thousand dollars a year, knowing that my company would be willing to match that amount for me.  As for insurance plan, it is basic and simple and for many does not even include dental, so please remember that the next time you get cozy for your monthly massage.

Let’s work together

Take a step back and you will realize that we actually want the same thing.  We want your child to succeed as much as you do, if not more, as it makes us feel proud, accomplished and successful.  As teachers we do not get any bonuses, as I have mentioned, therefore your child’s success becomes the SINGLE method of accomplishment that we can have.  When a teacher has students that are not doing well, it affects them personally even when we are told we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves.  None of us are happy when the students are not performing well.

The teacher and parent really do have an important relationship.  We are responsible for your children for a great bulk of the day, but you are still the parents.  That means that when you get home from work, you still have to carry on in the day to day grind of talking to your child, helping your child and disciplining your child.  Remember, you have the one on one ratio, we do not ,so if there is an area where the students are lacking you may need to step in and contribute towards the students success. Your child will reach the best results and never fail when we work together.  If nothing else, at least be cautious of how you speak of your child’s teacher.  The disrespect you show to your child’s teacher will be mimicked by your child and brought into the classroom and only perpetuate this problem further.  When the students do poorly, we are quick to point the finger at the teacher but when the student does well we quickly assume it’s all the parents hard work.

In the short term, we hope you will rally with us and understand that the challenge we will face against the government propositions, are really for the benefit of our future society, your daughter, your son.

Years from now should you be lucky to witness your child graduating and take a step towards their own personal careers, whether that be a university degree, collegial level or from a trade, I hope that you can find it in yourself to silently not only thank your child for their perseverance and hard work , along with your own patience, guidance, financial assistance or however you may have supported your child, I hope you can also take the time to thank the many teachers that contributed to that successful path.

by Diana Antonacci

teach

A real sense of community

On By Diana ALeave a comment

Tomorrow is my first day back at work from my maternity leave and I thought about all the people who have contributed to my life over the past year.  I was very fortunate throughout my pregnancy to be blessed with so many family and friends that wanted to help out or simply were there to share in the excitement.  I was also blessed with amazing neighbours who were always looking out for me and offering their help.  Whether it was food, a phone call or a gift for my daughter, it seemed as though there was always someone there to lend a helping hand or to just acknowledge this part of my life.  I was surrounded by a beautiful network of women who had experienced the ups and downs of parenting.  Sometimes, help and kindness came from the most unexpected of places and other times the people I thought would be the most supportive were just not.  Some of those people seemed to bolt like lightening the minute that baby came around or spoke empty promises.  But this is not the time or the venue to focus on that, but simply my time to say thank you for those that were there for me.  I may have had little words to express my gratitude in the moment but know that I sincerely admire and appreciate the community of mothers and fathers that reached out to me. I wish to impart with you to think of this the next time you know someone who is having a baby.  How can you reach out to them and make them feel supported?  Perhaps, it may be with a simple sign of affection, a phone call to check on the person’s emotional state, or an offering.  Whatever you may decide on, know that there is someone out there that will recognize your positive sense of community.

women_holding_hands

Photo credit given to: http://wildgoddesslife.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/women_holding_hands.jpg

Terra Sarda

On By Diana ALeave a comment

Villasimius.  A hidden gem. A small town I had never heard of and literally stumbled upon in my research.  Forums on trip advisor acclaimed it to have breathtaking Caribbean like beaches.  Unspoiled beaches.  It had been a three year quest to find my way to that large island bordering the Tyrrhenian Sea, south of Corsica and west of continental Italy.  I had heard so much of Sardegna and of the celebrities that explored the northern part of the island and the tiny southern tip of Villasimius promised to not disappoint. Upon arriving, my surroundings left me quietly wondering if I had made a mistake in choosing this destination to start my vacation in Europe.  Everything around us was so raw.  The vegetation was dry and not as vivid in color as many other places that I had seen.  I was told to walk down the dirt path and that I would end up on the beach.  My husband and I had little words that morning as we both nervously wondered what this beach would look like.  Judging by our walk, I was not anticipating anything as beautiful as I read.  There seemed to be more and more shrubbery and dry vegetation with each footstep.  The one kilometer walk that early morning seemed to go on forever. 20130713_090739

And there it finally was.  I felt the tension release from my eyebrows and the corners of my lips twitched up slowly forming a smile.  Few words made it out of my mouth.  I had none. There were no words that could possibly describe what was before me.  Fine sand the color of white porcelain that glimmered in the sun like tiny crystals.  A calm turquoise body of water that looked very much to be photo shopped but was real.  Stepping in the water, you could walk for a long time and the water remained shallow and clear as tap water.  The water was warm with an occasional cold current that tickled your skin.  Some mountains trimmed the coastline.

20130714_134931 20130715_105603 20130715_105728 20130717_121518

I had found my paradise and imagined immediately enjoying even with children in the future.  Villasimius.  I am not able to give justice to its beauty. Beyond its beauty there was also a story each day that unfolded on the main road of Via Umberto.  The restaurants and diverse cuisine that Anthony Bourdain had promised to be exceptional on this island were indeed so.  There were interesting hints of other cultures in the Sardinian cuisine and mouth watering food that seemed to smother many other dishes I had in Italy in a heartbeat.  A nightlife that made you feel alive.  A perfect beachtown.  Sardegna is an island with almost 2000 km of coastline and hidden coves to explore and I dream to explore all of it.  I leave with you nothing more, no other words other than a strong recommendation to allow your senses to be tantalized and indulged by this glorious island. I shall return one day to la terra Sarda…

20130717_18213316620130715_11472520130717_17035920130717_21404920130715_11035320130716_104242

Enjoy your maternity leave

On By Diana ALeave a comment

While I was pregnant, I was given a lot of advice, tips and supporting words.  Some messages resonated more than others and one thing that stood out was how often I was told to enjoy my maternity leave.  For those who are about to embark on the parenting journey, I would like to propose that you view this from a different angle.  It’s not only about the year that you have to bond with your child and care for your child, even if on some days you feel that your skill level and mental abilities have been reduced to tracking diaper changes or taking data on sleep patterns.  It’s also not only about the fact that time does certainly pass quite quickly and your child will grow up before your eyes.

During my own journey, I saw this statement in a whole new light.  Pre-baby, I hated when people used to tell me to enjoy my maternity leave.  I was so immersed in my job that I had a lot of difficulty when I was removed for a preventative leave.  I often wished to be back at work, wondered about my students well being or my colleagues sanity.  What was supposed to be a joyous moment in my life was often darkened by the fact that I just did not know what to do with myself.  I had put in so much into my teaching career that I had no external hobbies or responsibilities and felt a little lost when I couldn’t be there.  Actually, I’m totally lying, I felt like I was spiraling out of control.  I had no control over what was going on in my classroom and this notion alone was such an alarming feeling.  Whenever I could, I even snuck around and tried to help some of those students in other ways.  I hadn’t even had the baby yet and I was already planning my return to work.  Until, my daughter was born. In an instant, life as I knew it completely changed and my perspectives shifted.

Here is what I realized. The only time in your life that you will ever be away from work for a positive reason is your maternity leave.  This is ONE year in your life where you are away and gifted with a different responsibility and a very short time for you to learn about your child and also to learn about yourself.   In many parts of the world, they have even less time, in some places as little as 8 weeks. 8 weeks!!! Can you imagine? We really are fortunate to have a year.  One year.  After that year, should you be fortunate enough, you will work EVERY day, five days a week, less or more until your age of retirement (which may I add is increasing).

Think about it this for a moment.  Let it sink in.  Who do you know that does not work?  Pardon for being so abrupt, but they are likely ill, they are dying or perhaps they are retired. Those that are retired may be in optimal health traveling their five star cruises.  But many are probably feeling lost at home trying to reinvent themselves, since they too have associated themselves with their careers for so long that they no longer know how to face life without that.  Aside from the retired population then, if you are not working, this is likely because you are ill or dying which I need not say more about since this would be devastating to you and your loved ones.  We all like to envision that those who do not work are the exceptionally wealthy and privileged but this is a very miniscule part of our population.  Last time I checked we did not all win the lottery and drop our jobs to sail around the world.  ONE year. If you have more than once child then perhaps you are at two or three years in your lifetime.

So next time someone says, enjoy your mat leave, try not to roll your eyes.  I hope you see past the days where you don’t feel your best or look your best, or do the things you once had time for.  You have been given an exceptionally difficult task as you become a parent.   Despite that, one year is all you have before you return to the chaos of multitasking and trying to juggle various responsibilities in the game that we call life.

As I come full circle and approach the final days of my maternity leave, I will enjoy it as those before me advised and pray that I will be in good health to raise my daughter and reach my retirement years so that I can sail away, to where the grass is greener of course…

by Diana Antonacci

maternity-leave-3

Photo image taken from: http://cdn.thegrindstone.com/files/2012/02/maternity-leave-3.png

Where the grass is greener…

On By Diana ALeave a comment

On many days if I close my eyes I can almost feel myself right back to moments in my life where I experience true bliss.  Europe. Where the grass is actually greener and the sun does shine more brightly.  At least for me it does.  The skeptics out there can be infuriating to me at times, especially when they try to convince me otherwise.  They are often quick to remind me of my fortunate life here in Canada.  I agree that being Canadian offers many privileges and I appreciate my life, my home and the fact that I have employment opportunities.   When it comes to fulfilling some of my passions and living in indulgence, it lacks significantly and receives a near failing grade.

How many of you if granted with a generous lottery win would actually insist on living here in this frigid continent with a mediocre skyline.  Most of you given the opportunity would definitely cross over down south, to Europe, Asia and to many other splendid areas that the world has to offer.  What drives you to these places? What do they have that we do not here?  Is it the climate, the beach, the food?  While we may all be content and grateful for our lives and what our country has to offer, in each of us there is a yearning desire to escape elsewhere.  Everyone has a place that they dream of either for short or long term purposes such as living, vacationing or seeing at least once.  There is a location outside our realm and day to day activities that drives us all. My pleasure is Europe.  It has so much to indulge in I do not even know where to begin.

street

20130721_113014 20130715_110329.sardegna

On days where I lack concentration or feel blue, I close my eyes and work hard to find my inner peace.  I envision and feel myself walking through those cobblestone streets with winding narrow roads that lead to famous sculptures and beautiful monuments.  I walk and turn on narrow winding roads and stop to stare at the simplicity of the clothing drying outside an apartment clothesline.  There is something about clothing drying on a clothesline in Europe that makes me smile every time.  The simplicity of what it is against the romantic architecture of the apartment.  A stark difference from the clothesline in my yard, where the squirrel tightropes and stops to taunt my dog.  On this walk, I allow myself the luxury of stopping to have a cup of coffee made to perfection by the local barrista.  The caramel colored cream that coats the liquid is evenly dusted with an occasional hint of cocoa.  What shall I do today, I may ask? Perhaps I shall go to a museum, visit a castle, or go to the sea.  Yes, the beautiful sea.  The crisp fragrance of the salty air and the gleaming shades of vivid sapphires and turquoises.  It is in Europe, where the slight warm breeze brushes my hair softly against my face as I gaze at the blue sea before me and wiggle my toes in the soft sand.  Or, perhaps, you would prefer rocky beaches.  The choice is yours as there are all types of beaches available.

166 20150706_110954

IMG_1239

In Europe, I experience a true culinary experience.  Sinful decadence.  It is more than just eating to be fed or satiated but for your taste buds to embark on a journey.  A noble wine with a ruby hue and earthy finesse which I only paid 2 Euros for, may I add.  At the gentlest pressure from my knife, I see the milk of a mozzarella run into my dish and experience the tantalizing taste of food melting in my mouth.   I indulge in the figs dripping in honey and of the deepest reddish purple hue inside.  I smell the trail of a good wood burning oven pizza nearby.  I select the fresh fish or seafood of the day, caught just hours before by the local fisherman and I taste the saltiness of the sea in each bite I take.

Later on today, perhaps for forty Euros or so, I will book a flight to a neighboring country and spend a few days there.  Or I may go by train, or perhaps I will take a mountain drive and smell the crisp Eucalyptus in the air.  You see, in Europe, the choices are plenty.

In Europe, there is something for everyone, or perhaps not for everyone but at the very least it covers all facets of my personality.  Perhaps this is why I admire it so much.  I have an appetite for the pleasures of life and Europe appeals to all my senses.  I have seen so little of Europe, yet with each visit I am always awestruck and left speechless. 20130724_173455

Just when I thought there could not be any more beauty to discover, I find more.  The rich architecture and the ancient history intertwined with the world’s most famous art and religious influences, the human intelligence, simplicity and traditionalism, the remnants of clashing battles, the decadent culinary knowledge, ancient times merging with a modern world, sophistication and an occasional aristocratic flair. I see the row of luxurious boutiques and hear the chaotic sounds of tourists nearby.  IMG_0085A vintage Vespa parked randomly on a street cornering the town’s oldest church.  Whether you be driven by religion, history, art, romance, languages or the sea, there is a town, a city, a country in Europe that will likely steal your heart, and when your eyes and senses set on this land, as an Italian quote indicates, you  will likely cry twice.  Once when you have had the privilege to arrive to this great place and once when you must leave.

As I open my eyes and lock eyes with the taunting squirrel on my clothing line, I wipe away my own little tear and dream of where the grass is actually greener and the sun shines brightly…

by Diana Antonacci

20150629_19001020150714_133214.porto

Lose your expectations

On By Diana ALeave a comment

Over the weekend, I asked a friend how she was adjusting to motherhood and she admitted that she often reflected back to something I had suggested to her a few months ago.  “You told me not to have expectations”, she declared.  Indeed, I had said just that.

The word “expect” means to wait for, imagine or demand, and frankly I do not have the time to wait for things, imagining is not really getting me anywhere and demanding is arrogance.  Instead, having “standards”, allow an idea or decision to be more concrete and part of your principles and belief system.  The problem with expectations is that they do not set in motion the actual behaviours that makes what we want occur, rather we just sit and expect and wait for them to happen and when they don’t we are disappointed.  Expectations, in my opinion, are in the same category as taking things for granted and will only lead to disappointment.

I had no expectations for my marriage.  I imagine many of you to be stunned with this statement.  It’s the truth.  I don’t expect my marriage to last a lifetime, I would like for it to and try to work hard at it because relationships take effort.  The same way you can’t expect a flower to bloom without care, you cannot expect a relationship to be positive or long lasting without care.  Some relationships are high maintenance and require a lot of nurturing and effort and others need less to thrive.  On a side note, it is worth mentioning that it’s important for you to figure out what type of maintenance level is necessary for your relationship to succeed.  I have an awesome husband.  He is truly my partner, my lover and my friend.  Despite my love for him, there are times that we butt heads (or that I really want to crack him one) but I try not to expect anything from him.   I did not expect my husband to take out the garbage or help with the duties of being a parent.  I would like for these things to occur and while for most things I don’t have to say it because he does it willingly and without having to be nudged, some of you out there may have someone that needs to be nudged and this is fine but for the sake of your relationship do not sit and wait.  VOICE what you would like and what you need.  It is so much more gratifying and empowering to be able to communicate and express what works for you and what does not. 

I already know some of you may be reading this and assuming that I prefer to “settle for less”.  This is false and anyone who knows me well enough, especially in the classroom setting as a teacher knows that I set high standards for my students and encourage them to do their best.  I don’t use labels as excuses or childhood disorders as a reason for difficulty, but rather just understand that some people will come to achieve a goal differently or by taking longer.  I do not expect my students to perform well.  I have high standards and hopes that they do and I communicate this to them directly and I try my best to help them and teach them.  Sometimes I fail and I know that if I have done poorly this may impact or hinder their success but I never just expect and neither should you. 

Countless times I have heard friends, family and acquaintances talk about their expectations and how their partners or people surrounding them have not lived up.  Quite frankly, I would not want to live up to someone’s expectations so why should I impose that on others.  If you want something you will have to set the standard and engage in the behaviours and mindset that can nourish that into a reality.  

I do not have the answer to a perfect marriage, life or parenthood.  I am still learning as I go.  I didn’t expect my baby to sleep through her nights but I was prepared with books, advice from friends and armour as I waited for those battles to commence.   I tried to learn and expend my resources on solving the problems instead of fantasizing what things should be like.  The point is that the only time I have ever struggled and felt disappointed is when I have set specific expectations in mind, and often that disappointment is not even from my own belief system, but rather not coming up to par with someone else’s mindset of how things should be like.  I learned to divulge my time setting standards, goals and working on my communication skills.  I believe that communication is the foundation in healthy relationships but it is also important to have a realistic mindset.

While you allow your mind to expect, there is no action being taken and when your expectation doesn’t happen, you not only gain disappointment, but lose out on real opportunities in your life.

Life will go on despite how you envisioned it, so liberate yourself from those expectations.   Set the bar high in your life and with time, things may just begin to align themselves differently.

expec

by Diana Antonacci